WHEN I'M WITH YOU

Chapter 1

Verra Sales Pov

They said kapag nasanay ka sa isang bagay mahirap ng alisin iyon sa buhay natin dahil sa na absorb na iyon ng katawan natin. Na kahit anong gawin natin our body been program of that thing that will makes you hard to change something lalo na kung nasanay kana. Ang hirap ano? Pero no choice kasi ganyan talaga ang buhay, walang madali lahat kailangan paghirapan.

Baka sabihin niyo na everything in this world is a matter of choices. Tama naman yon. It's your choice na mag patuloy and it's your choice na sumuko nalang but that's too different to what I said na walang choice. Yes, pumili tayo it's either the negative or positive but my point is na kahit pumili ka pero yung outcome hindi natin hawak at hindi natin alam kung anong mangyayare kaya we have no choice but to move forward and accept it kasi nga wala na tayong choice dahil nangyari na. Basta yun na yon, ang hirap mag explain. Kaya naman kesa ubusin ko ang oras ko rito sa kwarto kaka explain mabuti pang magluto nalang muna ako, umaga naman na.

As I go out in my room our home welcomed me with silence, only the sounds of my footsteps echoed around the house, parang hindi pa ako nasanay. There's no presence of people other than me, make me think of how I survived alone.

As I cooked my breakfast, the aroma of dried fish spread in the kitchen that makes me more hungry. After I satisfied to it's texture I immediately transferred it to the plate along with two sunny side up egg that I prepared first a while ago. Then I followed it by pouring my leftover rice to the hot pan to prepared fried rice that suit well to my favorite dried fish.

As I finish preparing my food the memories of mom suddenly plays on my mind. How she was busy prepairing our food not because she wants it to do but due to fear that dad will hit her for not doing it so.

I never saw her happy doing something else but her expressions and actions says it all. Lagi nalang siyang aligaga at hindi malaman kung ano ang unang gagawin. Laging nagugulat sa simpleng konting ingay at laging umiiyak sa isang gilid na isa sa pinaka masakit na ala-alang iniwan niya saakin.

I stop eating, I gently wipe the tears coming out so early in the morning. Nawalan ako ng gana kaya tinakpan ko muna para pag nagutom ako pwede ko pa ulit itong kainin.

It's just four thirty in the morning so I decided to go out for a jog. Agad akong sinalubong ng malamig na hangin at walang pinagbago, ang pagtahol ng mga aso.

Mayroon ding iilang mga gising ng tao doing their staff. May mga naka longslive at pants nasuot bitbit ang malaking styro foam na hula ko ay yelo ang laman, dadaong ata ng maaga upang mangisda.

Si Aling Jen naman na nagwawalis na sa harapan nila upang linisan yung pag pupwestuhan niya ng kaniyang panindang pang umagahan. Si Kuya Joseph naman na binubuksan na ang kanilang tindahan.

As I saw them doing their best to live in this world somehow motivates me, kahit papano.

I grow up without the proper guidance with my parents but they let me see how the world being so unfair. They teach me that love will make you weak, make you sad and most importantly make you fool.

With all my life I never experience to be happy. Am I even know the word happiness? Ewan ko pero kasi sa sitwasyon ko parang walang puwang ang maging masaya. Ikaw ba naman araw-araw mong makikitang nag-aaway ang magulang mo, kakayanin mo pa kayang tumawa? Araw-araw mong nakikita ang mama mo na kundi black eye pasa naman sa katawan, magawa mo kayang magsaya?

I live my life alone. My mom has no time for me to talk. And I'm scared to my dad for me to have the guts to start a conversation with him. I don't have any friends to talk too cause It was hard for me to make one at the first place. Pakiramdam ko kasi noon magagalit sila saakin sa simpleng pag approach ko sakanila like my dad does. Palagi akong pinangungunahan ng takot kayat nasanay ako na ako lang lahat. I manage to comfort myself, cause I have no choice, walang ibang tao akong aasahan kundi ang sarili ko lang.

Ayos lang din naman ang mag-isa, walang sakit sa ulo. Wala kang pakikisamahan at wala ring kukontrol sa iyo sa mga bagay na gusto mong gawin. Lahat ng desisyon ikaw ang masusunod at hindi mo na kailangan pang isipin kung ayos o hindi para sakanila ang mga ginagawa mo.

On the other hand, mahirap ang mag-isa. It's more like you're just breathing kasi kailangan. Gigising ka sa umaga na walang motivation system.

Napapaisip din nga ako if I'll live my life forever alone or I'll find someone to live together and face the world. But who? That's the problem.

Ng matapos ko ng malibot ang lugar ay diretso na akong pasok sa bahay. This house I inherited to mom when she died. It's a typical house that you'll see on your surroundings. May sala, kusina, cr, at dalawang kwarto at mayroong maliit na bakuran.

Hindi ako mayaman tama lang para makakain ako tatlong beses sa isang araw. I think all of you wonder how I live if I'm alone. I have part time job and also I have the money from the insurance of my mom na hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa planong bawasan.

Nag-aaral pa ako and currently this year ay first year college na ako. Kahit naman hindi kagandahan ang background ko sa parents ko napag-aral din naman nila ako. Eventhough it was hard to manage both my life and studies, but I did it for my surprised. Siguro dahil naging libangan ko narin kasi ang magbasa kasi naging way ko siya to scape the saddest reality.

I know that theirs a lot of things will happen as my life continues. I'm sure na kahit ano pa iyan alam kung makakaya ko dahil na trained na ako diba? Oh baka akala ko lang iyon? Baka mayroon pang mas sasakit pa doon. I wish na sana yun na yung pinaka masakit kasi kung hindi pa, hindi ko na alam kung kakayanin ko pa.