Red String

4

Kung dati, tahimik yung araw-araw ko sa classroom, ngayon parang nagiging maingay na siya in the wrong way. Hindi dahil sa lessons, hindi dahil sa activities, pero dahil kay Gabriela Spears.

Gabriela, the girl na parang lumabas sa isang teen romance movie. Always pretty, always confident, always… there.

At syempre, sino pa ba lagi niyang kasama?

Austin.

Nagsimula ito sa simpleng kwentuhan.

“Uy Austin, ikaw ba yung nakita kong nag basketball kahapon?” tanong ni Gabriela isang araw.

Nagulat ako. Nagba-basketball pala siya? Hindi ko man lang alam.

“Yeah, minsan,” sagot niya. “Pampalipas oras.”

“Oooh, kaya pala ang taas mo. Fit ka pa. Hindi tulad ko, puro k-drama lang workout,” Gabriela joked, flipping her hair.

Napatawa si Austin. Yung tawa na dati sa akin lang lumalabas.

Ako? Tahimik lang sa tabi nila, pretending to read my notes.

Pero sa loob-loob ko: *So he laughs at her jokes too, huh?*

at... sino ba naman ako? I mean, I'm just someone na nakatali sa kanya with this stupid red string. I don't even know kung meron din siya nito? Like? Nakikita niya rin ba o ako lang?

Ginagago ng tadhana.

In the next few days, mas lumala pa.

Naglalakad kami after class, and usually sabay kami ni Austin pero biglang sasabay si Gabriela, papagitna sa amin, tapos siya yung kausap ni Austin buong uwian.

May isang beses pa nga, nakita ko silang magkasama sa cafeteria.

“Uy, Atasha!” tawag ni Gabriela, nakangiti. “Come sit with us!”

Pero nong naupo ako, parang third wheel ako sa sariling kwento.

Si Austin, nakikinig sa animated kwento ni Gabriela about her vacation abroad. Ako, nakatitig lang sa tray ko, naglalaban sa loob kung aalis na lang ba ako o magpapanggap na busy sa phone.

“Ang ganda dun, swear!” sabi ni Gabriela. “You should come with me sometime, Austin.”

BOOM! parang may kumurot nang malakas sa dibdib ko.

Should come with you?

Ako ba yung invisible dito?

One night, nagrant ako sa sarili kong notebook. Kasi hindi ko kayang sabihin sa kahit sino.

Dear self,
Bakit ba ako nagrereact nang ganito? Wala namang kami. Walang label. Walang promises. So bakit parang masakit?

I stared at my pinky. Yung red string glowing faintly, tahimik lang.

“Hindi ba dapat ikaw yung assurance ko?” I whispered to it. “Kung para talaga siya sakin… bakit may Gabriela? Do your work stupid red string.”

Pero syempre, hindi sumagot yung string.

Next week, may group project kami. Syempre, si prof na naman

“Form groups of three.”

And guess what?

Gabriela slid right beside Austin before I could even react.

“Pwede ba akong groupmate mo?” she asked cheerfully.

Austin looked at me, as if asking for approval.

I forced a smile. “Sure. Why not?”

So ayun. Kami tatlo.

Ako, Austin, and Gabriela.

Perfect recipe for disaster.

Working together was torture.

Habang nagsusulat ako ng outline, naririnig ko yung laughter nila sa kabilang side ng table. Gabriela showing him memes sa phone niya, Austin smiling more than I’d ever seen.

Hoy putangina tulongan niyo kaya ako dito. Hindi yung naghaharotan!

At one point, naramdaman ko yung string tugging faintly.

I looked up. Austin’s pinky was still connected to mine, glowing faintly sa ilalim ng mesa. I smiled, at least... ako parin, ako nga ba?

Pero ironically, habang mas maliwanag yung string, mas nararamdaman kong lumalayo siya.

Connected physically, pero hindi emotionally.

That’s when I realized, strings don’t guarantee feelings.

“Hey Atasha,” Austin’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Hmm?” I looked up.

“Okay ka lang? Ang tahimik mo.”

I forced a laugh. “Yeah, just… focused. Gusto ko kasing tapusin agad to.”

Gabriela leaned closer to him. “Grabe, she’s such a diligent student. Ako kasi, tamad minsan, haha.” tamad ka naman talaga. char. joke.

“Pero you’re good at presenting,” Austin said.

Parang nagkaroon ako ng lump sa throat. Ang unfair. Ako yung gumagawa ng outline, ako yung nagta typo check, ako yung nag oorganize. Pero si Gabriela yung napupuri.

Woah, what a nice.

Nagsmile ako faintly. “Right. She’s good at… everything.”

Kinagabihan, hindi ko mapigilang mag stalk sa social media ni ano, alam niyo na, si girly, Gabriela.

Ayun siya. Gabriela Spears. Instagram feed na parang Pinterest board. Lahat aesthetic, lahat perfect. Hundreds of likes. Dozens of comments.

At syempre, may bagong picture siya at sino yung nasa tabi niya sa shot?

Austin.

Caption: Study buddy ☕✨

Napahiga ako sa kama, staring at the screen.

Study buddy.

Ako ba? Invisible buddy?

The cracks started spreading deeper.

Every time naglalapit sila, I felt the thread tightening painfully around my finger.

One afternoon, habang magkasama kaming tatlo, napansin ko na nakatingin si Gabriela kay Austin in a way na hindi ko kayang i-misinterpret. Yung tingin na parang… may gusto.

And the worst part?

Austin didn’t notice. Or maybe… he liked it.

“Hey,” Austin called me one day after class. “Uwi na tayo?”

Before I could answer, dumating si Gabriela.

“Uy, Austin! Sama ka sa akin, I’ll show you this new café nearby.”

Austin hesitated, then looked at me. “G?”

And that was the first time I lied straight to his face.

“Go ahead,” I said with a smile. “I need to go home early anyway.”

But the truth? Umuwi ako nang mabigat yung dibdib.

At pagdating ko sa kwarto, tinakpan ko yung kamay ko with my blanket, whispering words I never thought i would say.

“If this is what fate looks like… then maybe, I don’t want it.”

The red string glowed faintly, almost like it was mocking me.

And for the first time since it appeared, naisip ko

What if destiny got it wrong?