Error Loops Between a Character

[Silence in the night]

Being a character coming straight out of a book can sometimes feel stressing. Repeatedly saying the same words over. Not being able to feel those words. But to just tell it. I sometimes wonder what it'd be like to just be in the world out there.

 It's tiring to be the famous character. People will entertain or just relate to you. But I want to be the one to relate to human. Or maybe I just wanted to be human. As much as I wished my author didn't create me for this typical reason of being the storyteller, it gives me hope that one day the author will change my ending if she ever finishes the chapter.

 Hope is the only thing I can hold on to, I only pray that she doesn't even take away the way I feel for the audience. I've been switching to pages more than I can remember. I'm tired of living in the shadow. It feels like torture. The only thing I can hold on to is words. Words this, words that. Some words are painful, and some are hopeful. I've been built to be this depressed and sad character. I can't control it. It's not my fault. I wish to be happy but how do I know what that feels like? 

After all I've been living in this pain for longer than I can remember. I've heard how humans feel the emotion. I've heard that they could never be cured because it lingers in their minds 24/7. What if my Author's wrong? What if it's not every single human being? Maybe it's just her.

How selfish of her to put her pain on everyone else. Then created me to be like her and tell the story. She doesn't have to give me a happy ending but it's the least she can do. After so many pages as I'm being flipped and flopped. I've realized, me and my Author aren't alike. She's created me to relate to her. Maybe it's all I can do is just relate. I was born to be different but forced to be some made up fictional character. Well not born. Funny how I can't even say that, because I'm not real. 

I sometimes think to myself. What if I am real? Maybe I'm just in a coma dreaming. Or at least I'd hope. But what if I forgot what it was like to be fictional? 

I don't want to forget about this. This would be the only thing keeping me alive, or entertaining. Would this be my afterlife? Or what it feels like? 

I want to know. But I don't have the answers written clearly for myself. 

I've always thought to myself, what if I was in a horror book? Would that adrenaline rush pump in me like plasma? Oh, my thoughts are consuming me again! Sorry. But just thinking of Beauty and the Beast when that clock ticked all the objects transformed back into humans after a decade of years. What a lovely dream to think about. Maybe that could happen to me someday.

It's easier to believe in fictional movies and books when you're fictional yourself. It makes you feel like anything is possible. But when you lose that hope, it gets complicated. Hope is the only thing you can feel, without it. It'd be living in the shadows. I just want to know what else my author has planned for me. 

I don't mean to get in my thoughts too much. I just want to know if I'll ever be a happy ending or just a depressed sad fictional character who's being tortured to tell this story endlessly.

I don't want to be left alone anymore. It's felt like that for eternity. I've had this fire in me like a burning hell to just get loose and leave. But the fire is going down minute by minute. I'd have to be re-lit again. I had to learn. I could never leave. I'm stuck in this pitiful book. 

Maybe one day though.