It's July 16th 2025. It's warm outside, calm day on Long Island NY. I'm sitting at the front porch of our frat house for the couple quiet seconds I have today before it starts getting hectic. I can hear the birds, actually that same bird I hear everyday from that one tree across the street, it's beautiful out. July 16th, just like most these days in the movie of a life in my head, was just normal day for everyone.
Not for me though. I leave tomorrow, the 17th. For me, today was the last day for many things. My suitcases are all packed upstairs, all grey and cold, packed with no love, no excitement. And with this horrible day ahead, my chosen family chose not to let me go through it alone. Americans say as horrible as grief is, the best thing about it is that you don't have to go through it by yourself.
At night, they all came to spend the night at the frat house. They planned a whole sleepover. That was my one wish before I leave, I didn't want anything special. No fancy dinners, no far trips, just a night w the boys at the house like the good days. I just wanted to feel normal, one last time. But you could feel it that night. The air was thick, catching some of them w tears in their eyes, tryna play cards but nobody's head is functioning right.
I was so nauseous that day. And at the time I didn't really understand why. Now I know it was grief. You usually grieve 1 person who passed away and is gone. But how can you grieve 20 30 40 people who are still standing in front of you? I've never loved and been loved like this before. I had to come to the opposite side of the world to find that kind of love, and now, it'll be gone tomorrow?
The next day we wake up, I'm double as nauseous. People coming by the house to say one final goodbye. Whole lot of "see you one day"s, and a whole lotta empty promises just to not make things too sad. "You'll be back soon", "it'll fly by", "4 years is nothing". And before I take out my luggage to the car, I gave away to the guys some stuff that was too much to pack but too good to throw away. And with every piece I gave out, I pictured it being a little memory of me staying with them a little longer after I leave.
I load my last suitcase into Nino's Bronco, I take one last look at the frat house. That was it, that was one hell of a wrap. And before the 2-car battalion launches to JFK, I say goodbye to my boy Nick who was holding Pickle Rick that I won at the Carnival couple days ago. I gave him a hug that I didn't wanna let go of because, in my head, this was also the very last step before I jump in the car and officially seal this chapter. I look at him and he goes "it's gonna be okay... You're gonna be okay." And I turn around, trying to take a rescue breath to keep the emotions in, but it wasn't enough time and the tears started streaming. It wasn't me sobbing, it was 18 year old Joe who felt robbed who started sobbing. Because I knew I wasn't gonna be okay.
On the way to the airport, I sat in the passenger seat in Nino's car facing the window so that my boys wouldn't see me straight crying. I tried, I tried to keep it in but it was too much to handle at once. And while I was trying to keep my sobbing breathing low, I could hear Nino crying too. "It's not fair, this is not fair". I know, it's not. I love these kids way too much. And the guys were cracking jokes to have me lighten up, and I did. But it would throw me right back into crying because I'd remember how much I'm gonna miss this humor and being this close to them.
At the airport, we send in the luggage and we walk to the security area, the final checkpoint. I look at them, after my tears have dried up on my face. We're all standing by the start of the line, waiting for someone to say something, for me to say goodbye. Should I make it quick? should i not hug anyone so no one hurts even more? should I say bye and walk away right away? I look at the other side, that's the end line for me. I look back at Ellean, and not even 2 seconds later I start sobbing again saying goodbye. He's sobbing, everyone's hugging me crying, this is not fair. "My brother for life" he said. And in my airpods Adele goes "Round my hometown...", they were my hometown, they were everything.
I take my carry on and go in the line and I can't stop crying. People around me are looking at me and I try to catch a breath but I start sobbing right after. I never ever thought I'd be the kid crying at the airport. These kids have changed every fiber of my being. Now I'm a walking mosaic of all of them. I carry a piece of them in my heart wherever I go. I'm going back to a place that doesn't look like me anymore, or has it ever? They stand on the little balcony at JFK overseeing the TSA line and they stand there waving, while the song in my ears goes "see how the hands go, waving goodbye". I'm literally going into cycles of crying and stopping myself. And while trying to move up in line I'm also texting Nino while they all are still up there on the balcony. "I've never had people like this before", I said. I meant that with every fiber of my being. These guys showed me what true friendship love is. A piece of a hollywood movie that I only got to watch in movies before coming here. "Neither have I", Nino replies. And yet again i can't see the screen properly bc of the tears. This meant that it wasn't only me that experienced this by myself. We were all that warm experience for each other.
I stand there, in that TSA line, alone again, just like 2021, but this time I'm leaving home. This time, I'm leaving with stretch marks on my heart...
