Broken, Flawed & Living (Discontinued)

Chapter Twenty-Two

Her eyes, ocean-like and calm, reminded me of the eyes I loved in Tori, the eyes that comforted me with Oliver and my dad. There was a time as a small child, I had these really bad tantrums. More than a child should ever have and my mom used to tell me she would call my dad over and he'd look me in the eyes, smile, and I'd seen mine reflect back. And I always stopped crying. Mom used to get really jealous because her eyes were green and none of her kids inherited them.

A blonde-haired, green-eyed woman, and her kids took after the brown-haired, blue-eyed man she loved. Another funny story.

"I... I looked her in the eyes the way Thomas did with me... the way Bentley had and Jalen, and now I realize Thomas never looked at me the same way. No one had," I continued. "I had no worries because I had stress on weed. I was calm and thought everyone was in the wrong. My eyes aren't the same anymore and certainly neither am I."

I heard him huff because my eyes were close. My mind just losing itself in my past mistakes. "They're the same as when I met you. Still blue. Still calm. Still beautiful... you're just not lost anymore. And I can see the redness in them from my party is almost gone now, so there's that."

A small smirk grew. "Thanks."

Momentarily, the air fell quiet and I opened my eyes again at Andrew just staring back. I flashed curiosity but he just shifted in spot and averted his gaze. "Well," he huffed, "now you friends can stop hating me."

Well, thanks for the support, Andrew. You asshole. "Is that all you care about? I just fleshed out all my feelings to you."

"Well, yeah. Mostly." An asshole, like the cheeky smile he flashed that I couldn't resist laughing to.

"Get out of here, asshole..."

He chuckled. "But seriously... I don't get how it changed you. It's not like you have a mental illness or something, right?"

I didn't. But I had something I paid zero attention to because I hadn't recognized it. "I'm paranoid. It's because I'm paranoid," I replied, letting it sink in for a brief moment. "I don't ever want to become a man like he was and because of that fear, I did." Now that I finally woke and dried my eyes, I didn't know what to do. I may had found a path, but there weren't any directions. "I don't know what to say to everyone now."

"Then don't say anything. Not now," he replied, taking me back for a second there. What did he mean? "You don't owe them an apology or something. Not yet. You owe yourself way more; you need to forgive yourself first for all the years of shit you put yourself through because of him. You friends will understand and certainly Thomas will – you can soon let him in instead of leaving him, or your parents, lost."

"You know what... I honestly doubt Thomas and I will ever be a thing anymore." Besides, I did like how simple our relationship was before I dared kissing him on that night. Why risk another chance? "He deserves a man, not a boy like me." Not until I become the man I truly deserve, and need to be.

As he stretched a hand, scratching the back of his head, he let out a long, soft breath. "You never know... you can become the man he liked so much," he said as pulled himself up from the couch. Checking the time on his phone, he then walked over to the front door and pulled his coat off the hangers beside it, throwing me mine. "C'mon. I'd like you to meet someone."

Instead of bothering him with questions my mind filled itself with, I followed him out of the complex in silence. Today from now, I needed to understand that my questions would usually hold no answers behind its walls, serving no clear purpose. That I needed to ask the essential questions with answers behind its walls, and I figured out as we walked down the street, nearing a hospital not too far as I could see, who he wanted me to meet. His cousin. But back on point, I needed to sit back and relax and let me find the answers instead of piling more questions on top, like putting trees on the pathway I found – without a saw anywhere around.