chapter one: accidentally summoned Shrek in chemistry class💥

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Okay listen 👀 I did NOT wake up thinking I'd summon SHREK in Chemistry class... but here we are.

I was just trying to pass this dumb midterm 😭👉👈 vinegar + baking soda = easy A, right?? WRONG. My beaker started fizzing like a Coke + Mentos experiment on steroids 💀💀.

Then it started glowing GREEN 💚. Like Nickelodeon slime + radioactive Hulk juice.

Jessica (my lab partner, aka the girl who once tried to microwave a metal spoon "for science" 🤦‍♀️) was like:
"uhhh bestie... is it supposed to be VIBRATING??"

Before I could answer-
💥KABOOOOOM💥

The beaker EXPLODED. Fire alarm?? RINGING. Sprinklers?? CRYING. Mrs. Henderson (our teacher)?? On the FLOOR fainted like a Victorian ghost 👻.

AND OUT OF THE SMOKE CAME... HIM.

🟢 SHREK. 🟢
Yes. The ogre. The swamp lord. The onion king.
IN MY CHEM CLASS.

Bro was SEVEN FEET TALL 😳 built like a fridge 💪 and smelled like wet grass + expired pickles. He looked around, grunted, then LOCKED eyes with me.

"Ye smell like swamp water, lass," he said.
"Ye must be the CHOSEN ONE." 🧅

EXCUSE ME?!?!?!
I didn't shower ONE TIME and now I'm Shrek's chosen disciple?? 😭😭😭

The jocks tried to tackle him but he just went:
"GET OUTTA ME CHEMISTRY LAB!"
and yeeted them straight into the safety goggles cabinet 😵.

Meanwhile, the entire class was livestreaming on TikTok 📱. #ShrekTok started trending in 3 minutes.

AND THEN... this green menace pulled out a CRUMPLED SYLLABUS from his pocket.
Apparently... he wasn't summoned to fight, or destroy...

He was here to TEACH CHEMISTRY.

"Today," Shrek growled, "we learn about... SWAMP ACIDS." 🧅🧪

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