Complexity | C-PTSD [Poetry]

10 - Intro to Jack

My mind a poem
Waiting to be read
The pages torn, some unsaid

Battlefield— Oh how I love you
Trying to protect me from myself
Others infiltrate and deny
You from yourself

I love you,
So much, you could not fathom
But you hate you

You love others but hate you

Why?

Why do their words still claw into your back like it was yesterday
When it's been ages, wait— minutes have passed!
I forget,
I forget your neglect leaked into adulthood,

Mother I love you
But I hate your tongue
I hate the way you say you're not worth it
And make me feel the brunt of the wound

I hate that you soak in pity like my father you say you hate so much—

Don't be like your brother

But he's older

With no father, no brother, who do I look up to

I look up to you

And you tell me you're worthless and need me to comfort you

Especially when spilling my own needs

I'm such a bad mom
I should just die
What did I do that was so bad

Nothing
That's the problem
You sat around and did nothing.
Go to your room— your emotions are too much— which they always were.

And you tell me I'm playing the victim

So now I feel like a fraud in my own mind

All the time

Fuck you. Fuck all of you. I'm allowed to be the victim for once. And you make me feel pathetic for it.

I wonder how you feel.
And there I go again thinking about other people when I'm the one hurting.