i probably wont update

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hey yall ☺️

i super duper appreciate all the love this story has gotten, thank you all so much!

i do wanna be fully transparent with yall tho. i don't think im going to be able to update this story. when i was writing this, i used a lot of my personal lived experiences as references. i was in a very low place in my life and just like peter i was using basically any drug i could get my hands on to just numb the pain.

i started writing this in november 2020 and the last part came out in may 2021. while that may not seem very long, only 6 months, that time of my life was very intense. i haven't even reread this story in years because im scared it'll trigger me. just like peter, i didn't tell ANYONE about my drug issues.

the only way i was able to stop was because in may 2021 i got an insanely bad sinus infection and was no longer able to do the sniffy sniff. i went thru withdrawal on my own because i was too proud to admit i needed help. (guess my sign LMAO)

literally 2 weeks after i stopped, i realized that i am transgender ftm. i was suppressing my thoughts and feelings about it because i was scared of what that would mean for me. being gay is one thing but with gender transition it's a whole other level.

i didn't tell a soul about that time of my life until february 2023 when i started dating my now fiance. he makes me feel so comfortable and happy and i was finally able to share this part of my life with someone who i know wouldn't judge me.

now in august 2025 i am in a decent headspace where i wanted to return to this story and after posting this update i think i will reread it and see if i want to continue it.

if i continue it, it will be recovery focused. peter will finally get the help he needs and i think it might be therapeutic to write the type of help i would have liked instead of doing it all on my own. would anyone be interested in that?

-E

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⏰ Last updated: Aug 08 ⏰

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