After countless nights of insomnia, and aimlessly wandering the circus tent, Ragatha discovers that she and Jax have the same habit. They decide that --whether they want to admit it or not-- their sleepless nights would be better spent together than...
When I got back to my room after the adventure, I heard that familiar click of Ragatha's door not long after.
Honestly? I was shocked she had decided to take up my offer. Even yesterday, I was surprised when she talked with me for so long. Ragatha and I have had– moments. I'm pretty sure she just thinks she's too good for me, and that I'm far too cynical. Or at least, I thought so until now.
I don't even know why I offered, typically she and I stay apart, and we prefer to keep it that way; but recently she's just been– off. Not just in a funk, something different. Usually I prefer to kick it alone, but the possibility of her- well–
We can't lose anyone else.
While I don't exactly adore the gal, she needs some company at least.
A few moments after she left, I stepped out, and walked to the main tent. For a moment, I stood and allowed my eyes to adjust to the dark before scanning the vast scenery. She wasn't hard to find of course, but she had definitely tucked herself away. She was sitting on one of the colored tubes about ten feet in the air, surrounded by a dense forest of other tubes.
I quietly climbed the tube above her, careful not to let her see me, before tapping her shoulder. When she was looking back, I dropped down onto another tube below, just a few feet in front of her. The look on her face when she saw me was priceless! I swear, she almost fell off of her little perch. She's really easy to mess with and I almost feel bad. Key word being almost.
After a few minutes of joking at her, she asked:
"How did you know where to find me?"
"I know where to look."
She stared at me with a wide, blank expression, as if she was waiting for more, and her eye glimmered in the dim circus light. She leaned forward, poised on her hands as her feet swayed in the air below her. For a moment I stared– just studying.
Finally, I replied, "Ragatha, think about it. You and I both come out here at night, and there's only so many places you could be. I've been doing this longer than you, I used to do this all the time with-," I stopped abruptly, not expecting myself to get so carried away. It felt as though the air had been ripped from my lungs, it's been so long. So long since– they abstracted. The closest friend I ever had here. I never dare to talk about them, the memories are too sad to relive.
Her and I sat there for a while in silence as I paused and grieved briefly. My eyes were fixated on the ceiling now, burning as they welled up, but I could feel her concerned gaze without looking. It must be pitiful to watch me like that.
She broke the silence finally, and we began speaking again; but it wasn't long before she grew frustrated with me, like yesterday. I just want her to stop being so surface level. Any time that I pry, she refuses to open up. Sometimes, she doesn't feel like a real person at all. Sometimes, I hate her for that.
"I only like them because," she trailed off in thought about the adventures Caine takes us on. Because why? Can't she enjoy things for herself? Ragatha wouldn't dare to like an adventure unless someone else was enjoying it too, she won't even use the suggestion box for fear of choosing something that others might not enjoy– the adventures are just a way for her to help people, and feel less empty for a moment because she won't help herself.
""Because you feel less alone?" I smiled, hoping that this would get her to open up at least a little. Maybe I'll get to see a real side of her, instead of this weird, matronly persona she has on.
"Sorry?"
"I mean, adventures are like the one time where people can't refuse your help. Think about it." I rolled my eyes, how is this not getting to her?
An intensity flared in her face as she immediately denied this, an unusual and harsh laugh clawed its way out of her, something forced and hostile.
"Whatever you say, Raggy," I sighed in defeat as I sat up, analyzing her profile. Her face had turned to the side, and her eye was squinted slightly. She breathed shakily before glancing over at me, only to break eye-contact again, twisting away from me and sitting with her knees drawn up. What was she thinking? If only I knew.
This time, she didn't leave.
So there we sat. I laid down, and just watched her breathing for a while, at first shallow and fast, but growing heavier and slower. Her coiled hair hung loosely at her shoulders, and her dress draped in the air gracefully.
Having another person with me until the morning came wasn't so bad, I enjoy the quiet company more than I thought I would.
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