After countless nights of insomnia, and aimlessly wandering the circus tent, Ragatha discovers that she and Jax have the same habit. They decide that --whether they want to admit it or not-- their sleepless nights would be better spent together than...
I tiptoed lightly along the hallway from my room, taking care not to wake the others. After the centipede under my pillow tonight, sleeping wasn't an option anymore.
When I got to the main tent, I let myself relax a little. Every day, I'm so on edge, worrying about every variable, person, and detail. It's great to breathe and release the stress in my body. That prick leaving bugs in my room makes it even more crucial to de-stress, especially these days. I can't allow myself to... never mind that.
Plopping down onto a glossy, blue cube, my body sags and I let out a deep, quiet groan, peering up at the tent ceiling. There may be nothing to do out here, but it's better than laying awake in bed. Gazing across the vast sea of stripes, my vision blurs and I swim in the color for a moment, before thoughts inevitably rush into my head. Thoughts of moments where I could have said something different, who needs my help, how to do better.
I've always been this way- constantly worrying and thinking- Even before this, I remember lying awake in my childhood bedroom, the same thoughts consuming me, splitting hairs, constantly trying to keep people happy. Old habits die hard. So, here I sit, thinking about how to help them stay happy. I'd rather think about that then everything that might go wrong if I don't.
Sprawling out, I lay down awkwardly on the cube, dangling my head and legs off of the edges, breathing deeply as my eyelid droops closed. We don't need sleep here, but I find myself exhausted, waiting until that familiar weightless sensation takes hold. Finally, rest at last.
...
A faint tug at my coiled hair startles me awake, and I sit up abruptly- only to crack my head on something. Laying down growling in pain, my eye flutters open, met with a mass of familiar purple, much to my horror.
"Jax! What on Earth!"
He's rubbing his face, which seems to be what I've rammed my head into.
"Light sleeper, huh?" slowly opening his beady eyes, he lets out a sigh.
"Thanks for that," I shot back, twisting and sitting up straight while massaging my aching forehead. "I definitely don't sleep well when there are bugs under my pillow." He chuckles quietly- infuriatingly.
"Pfft, I forgot all about that, sorry doll," He grins widely.
"Are you though?"
"Well..." he trails off, breaking eye contact.
Yawning, I draw my legs up to my chest, wrapping my awkward, still foreign arms around my large knees. Some things you never get used to. Being a ragdoll is unsurprisingly one of them.
"Why did you wake me up? And so rudely too."
A brief look flashes across his face, one that barely registers. He does this on occasion, his eyes flicker or his usual smirk will soften. Maybe he breathes in, or lingers on a sentence that can't seem to escape his mouth. I've known him for what feels like forever, but I have yet to understand what these moments are. After a brief second, he responds.
"Why not?"
"UGHH, " I groan, "You are just impossible. I don't know why I even asked," I mumble, lowering my legs to set my feet on the floor. I'd rather be in my room, with the centipedes.
"Wait, I'm sorry," he snickers, "don't go buttons."
"Why not?" I fold my arms across my chest and taunt.
"Okay, okay. You win, leave if you want," he sighs, lightheartedly defeated. When his ridiculousness draws a giggle up to the back of my throat, I hate that I want so badly to let go, to laugh.
" I was comfortable here before you decided to pull my hair, so I'd prefer to stay here. Why do you care anyway?"
"...Sometimes company is nice," he pauses. "Besides, who else am I gonna bother when everyone else is in their rooms," sitting down and leaning back with his hands on the back of his head, he winks. "Sleeping out in the open like that- come on. You know better," His arrogant demeanor-or façade, I haven't decided-drives me insane. Waiting a moment, I look to see if he talks again, but he just sits there staring at me. Not maliciously, but in thought.
"So-"
"You do this most nights, don't you? I've heard your door," he says, tilting his head to the side, "The centipedes are really getting to you, huh?", he raises an eyebrow, as though he knows something I don't. I'd hate to admit that he's right. He would only hold it over my head, all of my petty concerns and doubts. Before I can even think of an excuse, he stands up abruptly.
"Whelp, time for bed," stretching with his hands above his head, he adds, "try to get some sleep dolly."
"Wha- I- you- you woke me up!" I stammer after him as he strolls down the hallway.
"I don't know what you're talking about," an ornery, sing-song tone rises through the air, making my blood boil. "Anyway, we should do this more often, Ragatha. You know it beats lying awake alone, even if you hate me."
I watch him as he slinks through a narrow opening in his door, and clicks it shut behind him. As good as he may be at getting under my skin, he's got a point.
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...
My room feels dark and foreboding as I step into it. It doesn't seem like home, even though I have lamps, fake candles, and all the technicolor furnishings I could possibly want. Caine's efforts to make us feel at ease, even when they don't work, are some of his kindest moments. Even though he is insane, I believe he feels sorry for us.
Falling face down onto my bed, my face squishes into my pillow as I inhale, before rolling back over to stare at the ceiling. Trying to get some sort of rest- hopefully undisturbed this time- I close my eye, and after a while I drift off. Unfortunately, after what seems like a lamentably short time, the lights flash on, and 'daytime' in the circus has begun.
I wake up and slide out of bed, wishing that I could just sleep for once in my life. "Ughhh," I hear the involuntary groan escape my lips. I squint blearily for a time while I look at the wall, then I open my door and walk down the corridor to the tent once more.
