Inheritance of ash

hijack

Thor folded his arms, still grinning. "They stole a chariot of metal and fire for dairy. I love this realm."

Tony opened his mouth. Then closed it.

Then let out a long, hissing breath.

"They are so grounded," he muttered.

"Oh, definitely," Steve agreed.

"Think you'll even manage it?" Bruce asked.

Tony glared at him. "Of course I—"

Clint raised a brow. "You remember what happened the last time you grounded Kate?"

"...She told JARVIS to only call me 'grumpass.'" Tony muttered.

Clint grinned. "Exactly."

Tony spun around on his heel. "I'm tracking them. And when they get back—ohhh when they get back—they are all gonna be banned from touching anything with wheels until they graduate med school."

"Med school?" Sam laughed. "That's oddly specific."

"Because I'm going to need doctors after I have a stroke over this!"

Jarvis chimed in softly. "Mr. Stark... would you like me to remotely shut down the vehicle's power system?"

Tony hesitated.

A long pause.

Then:

"...Not yet," he muttered. "Let them think they got away with it."

Natasha smirked. "You're gonna wait till they're in the drive-thru, aren't you?"

Tony's smile was cold and precise. "No. I'm going to wait until the guy at the window has just handed them the cones."

Steve actually chuckled.

"Evil," Clint said with admiration.

"Calculated," Tony corrected, stalking toward the main room. "And deserved."

⸻

The sun was just starting to dip below the skyline, painting the parking lot in a warm, golden haze. Vicky licked her cone as she leaned out the passenger-side window, looking absurdly pleased with herself. "Tell me this isn't the best idea we've ever had."

"I won't lie to you," Pietro said from the back, his feet up on the center console between Peter and Wanda. "This is the best idea we've ever had."

"I still think it was a war crime," Peter muttered, nervously eyeing the Lamborghini's sleek, glowing dashboard. "We stole Mr. Stark's actual car. Like—not just a car. His car. Like, the car he sleeps next to in the lab. I think I'm gonna vomit."

Wanda handed him a napkin without looking. "You said that three times already."

Kate, sitting in the far back seat, because she refused to be near Yelena's elbow, gripped her cookie dough cone like it was a live grenade. "We need to go back. We can't sit here! This is worse. This is like... hiding the evidence while the FBI is already at your front door."

Yelena, who had just parallel parked with more confidence than accuracy, reached for her own cone like she hadn't just committed a felony. "Relax. We didn't steal it. I have a license. Vicky had clearance."

"I had clearance to override the toaster, not JARVIS!" Vicky said around a mouthful of pistacho.

Wanda licked her spoon slowly, eyeing her mint chip. "This isn't even the first car Pietro would crash."

"Technically not a crash," Pietro said casually. "It was a strategic tree encounter."

Yelena rolled her eyes. "See? Everyone's alive. We have ice cream. We're in one piece. Tony won't even notice—"