Maybe Forever

Chapter 1

I walk into the studio, my hands shaking with nervousness. Nothing unusual for me. Every time I start a new project, my anxiety rises up.

A lot of interrogations are going through my mind as I walk into the set, looking around my new workplace. Will I appreciate the plot? Am I going to get along with my coworkers? Is the project going to reach my expectations? Will I be able to satisfy people with my acting? It's always a lot of pressure to start a new acting project. Like when you're getting in a new job.

This one tho is probably the most important to me. It's my first time playing a queer character. I'm actually so proud to be able to portray a lesbian character. As a queer myself, I would have loved to see more movies when I was younger and questioning myself.

I love to be able to help young girls and boys to accept themselves and to know that they're not alone in this.

I know that I have a strong queer community mostly since I played in marvel where I met my ex girlfriend back then. It was my first out relationship and the world loved it almost as much as I did.

Today is the first table read for the movie and I'm quite happy to be back. I took a break after my separation a few months ago. I feel ready to be back on set even if it still hurt, it will be good for me to work again and see people.

I feel at peace acting, when the director says action, everything around me fades away. It's just me and my text.
I love to feel connected to my characters, to learn how to portray them is the most important part to me.

I want people to be able to relate to my characters and to feel understood.

My manager didn't tell me much about my coworkers or the plot. Just that I'm playing the main character that falls in love with their lawyer. It's a simple romantic movie with drama and a bit of angst.

I feel like it's going to be really emotional and sentimental but I feel ready to finally go back.

My heels clicks on the floor as I walk into the main room. I look around, noticing a few people gazing at me.

I breath, trying to control my anxiety and start looking for a familiar face.
I break into a wild smile when I see my long time friend Florence Pugh. I sigh happily, feeling less lonely in this room full of people.
She instantly notices me and greets me with a tight hug « darling I'm so happy to see you » she says with her thick British accent.

« Flo! I'm so happy to be working with you » I smile, pulling away from the hug. « Do we actually play love interest? » I ask already excited about the idea. I get along so well with Florence. She's a huge support and so easy to be around.

« Actually no. I'm playing your best friend. But I think I know who plays your lover » she winces, looking behind me.

I turn around, intrigued. My smile quickly fades away when I'm met with deep green eyes that I could recognize anywhere.

There's a long moment of silence that feels like hours. The room once crowded seems to fade away as I gaze into her eyes.

All the emotions I tried so hard to push away come back crashing hard into me. My throat gets tight and I have to fight back tears when I'm almost straddled by Florence breaking the loud silence « I think she's the one »

I feel my legs shake and my heart beat picking up. My mouth gets dry and I feel my eyes getting wet. I don't want her to see me in a bad state. I automatically get out of the room like I'm in autopilot looking for the closest bathroom.

I open the first toilet door and throw up, getting all my breakfast out of my stomach. I desperately try to breath.

I knew the moment I would see her again would be hard but not to the point that I would actually throw up all the food left in my stomach.

I lean against the toilet wall as I try to come back to my senses. After a few minutes, I finally get out of the small toilet, feeling trapped. I wash my mouth and reach for the bathroom door when I almost bump into someone trying to open it at the same time.

I instantly recognize my manager and friend. At this moment, all the anger comes back and I'm filled with a rage that I can barely control.

« You knew! You fucking knew and you thought it would be a good idea to keep it a secret!? Are you kidding me Stefania? You knew I wouldn't accept the project that's why you didn't tell me she was casted » I scream at my agent feeling betrayed, not understanding how could she lie to me like this.

She takes a deep breath, searching for the right words to calm me down in this moment. « Y/n this is an amazing opportunity for you. Remember how excited you got when you learnt that you were playing a queer character. This was your goal. And yes she got casted but you both are professional and you can put everything aside and work together on this. I didn't tell you for your own sake »

I close my eyes, trying to calm my racing thoughts. I know she's right but seeing her after months brings back a lot of memories. « Did she know I was casted? »

« No, she just learnt it now. I'm going to go talk with her manager ok? It's going to be alright. Take time to think about why you're here. But if you want to drop everything, I'll support you no matter what » she exits the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I can't help but let the tears fall. Seeing her again after months, after everything we lived together. I can't help but be impacted by seeing those gorgeous green eyes again.