BINDED

chapter 24: the wave crashes

After the wave swells up, holding in all of that anger, frustration, and roughness of the ocean, it crashes against the shore. 

I handed off the paper early that morning to Dom for him to finish his portion. We agreed he'd take the remainder of the day to do it, and then tomorrow we'd meet back to finalize it and submit it to Professor Onai. 

The thoughts with Sebastian had finally consumed me entirely. It infected my mind like a virus, like an illness I couldn't get away from. His eyes were everywhere. His voice was everywhere. His face was pictured into my mind anytime I would close my eyes. I felt his touch constantly, especially the few times that we'd make eye contact throughout the day. 

Every time I was seated, my leg was bouncing with anxiety. I couldn't focus in class, take good enough notes, or even participate- which is very unlike me. It bothered me- the uncertainty between us.

It made me sick to know a man was consuming this much of my life. 

I admired and enjoyed the peace I felt in the Undercroft, so I chose that spot to be my hideaway for the day. Some might argue that it isn't smart to leave yourself alone with your thoughts- but what other choice did I have? 

I opened up the door, seeing Ominis seated at the table working on some homework. I froze, hoping that he did not sense that I was there, and I began slowly shutting the creaky door. 

"I can hear, you know. I'm blind, not deaf." 

"Damn it," I mumbled under my breath, entering the Undercroft. "Seems like you had a similar idea to me." 

"Peace and quiet?" he said, chuckling under his breath. 

"I was more thinking of a place to break down," I chuckled with him. 

Ominis furrowed his brows, twirling his wand in his hand. "You've been crying." 

"Wha-" 

"The wand knows all," he said kindly, waving it up in the air like a prize. "What's wrong?" 

I shook my head. "It's better if I stay quiet about it." 

"Is it Sebastian?" 

I widened my eyes, a bit surprised at his wittiness. "Uhm-" 

"You can tell me, Valerie. I've got nothing better to do, and I'm not going to say anything. You can trust me." 

I pursed my lips, staring at him. I wasn't sure if this was some sort of bait, but I decided to take a bite of it regardless. "Yeah, it is." 

He kicked the chair across from him out from under the table, and nodded towards it. "What's going on?" 

I sat in the chair, fidgeting with the sleeves of my sweater. "Do you know anything other than... what happened at the Ball?" 

"Nothing for certain," he clicked his tongue. "But I can make my own assumptions. I've been best friends with Sebastian for years. I know that kid better than he knows himself." 

"I feel like I'm just running in circles with him," I said, letting out a frustrated sigh, feeling my brain fire up. "We really like each other, or at least I believe that feeling is mutual, but he refuses to pursue anything because of something with Alec. Yet, at the same time, he tells me how much he can't keep pretending that he doesn't feel anything for me." 

"Hm," he nodded. "Sounds like Sebastian." 

"I just don't get it," I stood up, frustrated at my own words as I began pacing around the room. "I think what pisses me off the most is how much I care. He will not leave my head- hell, he's even in my dreams. Every time he speaks to me my chest just fucking hurts- my heart hurts. I don't think I've ever wanted something so bad in my entire life. And no matter how many times he lies to me, or keeps things from me, or is mad at me- I can't get him out of my head."