Unwritten Pages

1. Myself Ryan

I am Ryan, a normal college guy who rides to college on his cycle...
Why, I wonder? Do I enjoy it??
No... but that's how life goes...
Always been a sharp kid since childhood, scoring decent grades and securing good ranks...
All I have ever done in my life is study and score good grades, somehow, no matter what.

Back to present... After reaching my class, I find my seat and sit at it alone, without anybody around me, staring at the board and the professor speaking something out of this world that I can't even hear...
Words come out of his mouth... diagrams and text appear on the board, and I sit there wondering, "Why am I even here??"

Despite all this, I manage to score an average of 9, which is good, I would say, considering it is higher than almost 85% of students in my class...
I wonder, though... good grades, bad grades—do they even matter?? What difference does it make??
Nobody's waiting to celebrate my success. Nobody there to scold me for my failure... just meaningless numbers...

During breaks, I eat alone on a bench in the garden... watching kids kick football... some kids eating together... some kids running... some just randomly wandering in the garden...
I watch my classmates eat, laugh, chat, play, and share meals like they belong in a world I was never born in...

I have no friends, not because I hate people... but because I never found a reason to belong...

I cannot talk properly because I am an introvert. I can't crack funny jokes... I can't socialize among people, and they generally find me boring...
So, I just eat and wait for the time to pass somehow...

After college ends, with nothing else to do, I head to the library, seeking some knowledge and passing some time to end my day...
I don't particularly enjoy reading books. I read them just because they give me something to do—something to fill the empty hours before I can finally go home...

You might be wondering: why not go home directly without spending time in the library??
During a family trip, I tragically lost everyone in my family except my mother. Since that devastating event, she has been deeply traumatized and struggling with depression. She's doing her best to cope and move past the pain, but things at home have been far from peaceful.
Seeing her cry every day is something I wish I didn't have to witness.