That night she lay in her bed. The lightening storm crashed outside her window, showing it's artistry on the walls and ceiling of her room. Each time the lightening cracked, it shone on the vanity across the room from where she lay. And there propped up against the mirror was Talbot's unopened letter staring back at her, bold as brass. It seemed to be growing in brightness and size, the later it got and the more tired Hannah got, the more the lightening lit her room up. As if it were calling her. As if the letter was suffocating inside the envelope. As if it needed to be rescued by releasing it from its paper prison.
Lying on her back she looked up at the ceiling of her canopy bed and clenched her fists and smashed them at her sides while she groaned loudly, making a deep inarticulate sound in response to her pain and despair, as if in labor pain.
In defeat she threw back her down-filled quilt, swung her legs to the side of the bed, struck a match, lit the candle at her bedside. The room lit up and competed with the lightening storm outside. The flame danced. She stayed sitting on the bed like a little child with her legs hanging over the side of the bed and her bare toes wiggling in anxiety. She stared at the envelope all the while, willing herself not to retrieve it.
A power greater than herself pushed her to take the envelope. She returned to the security, warmth and comfort of her bed. Covering herself against the chill in the air with her puffy feather quilt she propped up her pillows and sat upright. She pulled a letter opener out of the drawer in her bedside table. She turned over the envelope and slit the top of it open, being very careful not to disturb the wax seal on the back of it.
Sliding the letter out of the envelope carefully she unfolded it.
July 17th, 1854
Baton Rogue, Louisiana
My Darling Dearest Hannah,
I am exhilarated that you finally opened this letter. I knew that it would take you a while when you discovered who it was from.
My inspiring Hannah, how magnificent you looked the night of your ball. I could not take my eyes off of you. My eyes feasted on your beauty. Your white skin so pure and delicate. The amythests and diamonds glistening on your décolletage. Your lips red as the grapes on the vine. As delicious and sweet besides.
I cannot tell you many things but I can tell you just a few things for certain. I can tell you that I cannot live without you. I can tell you for certain that I cannot breathe without you. I am certain that I love you deeply and wholeheartedly. Had we not met I would have never known this love that I feel for a woman. For you! But, it is too late for, 'what if?' I now know you and will know you for the rest of my life. I know you better than any other human on this earth that the Lord has given us. I studied you when we were on that island. For there was never a better subject to study.
I want us to be together. How could we have been together every day under such trying conditions and then nothing? We lived on our own planet for so many days. Each day might as well have been a year. I know you through and through. I love everything about you. You fill me up.
If not for you I would be dead. You saved me, nurtured me. You took care of me. We took care of each other. We cannot just pretend that this did not happen. There will never be a love like ours because we survived together. We stared the monster death in the face and fought it back. I cannot thank you enough for what you did for me. I will love you forever and pray that one day we will be together. How can we go on without each other? Life is only possible with you in my mind and heart. Life is possible because each day I rise and hope that soon we will be together as one. We were husband and wife but for one thing. You were my constant companion. My love blazes for you. My heart swells to the point of exhaustion in thoughts of love for you.
When we were on the island I started falling in love with you, I fought it, I did not understand what it was. Love is troublesome, is it not? Passion is easy. Men had no problem revealing their passion for a woman.
Love is complex and complicated with many problems attached to the emotion. True love is beautiful, but there are so many hidden issues, problems, too many of them to count. Like the multitude of stars in the heavens.
Hannah, my love for you has surpassed the physical realm into the spiritual realm. It exceeded the pure physical desire that a man has for a woman. That I have for you. It goes well beyond lust and passion but deeper, much deeper, more meaningful. True love, the care and concern for another person without any interest in your own needs, wants or pleasures. Love is not wanting from someone else but giving to that person. Protecting them. Caring about their feelings, thoughts, conscience. Love is without fear.
I would never have done anything that would have destroyed your relationship with God. If I did you would have hated yourself and hated me. I could not bear that. I love you too much to think only of myself. To think selfishly.
Love is selfless.
I know for fact that I love you with everything that I have in this world. With every cell in my being. With every thought, every desire.
Please write me. Do not shun me. For the universe brought us together and we will never be apart in spirit. It is beyond our control. Please let us be together in body as well. I know that you are another's, I know this to be true. That is why I have stayed away from you. That is why it took me a long time to write to you after the ball. That is why I refused a position with your husband in his businesses.
He generously offered me a position in the managing of all his businesses. His right-hand as it were. He thought that he should repay me somehow. Repay me for saving his beloved Hannah. Oh how that stabs me in the heart. You are nobody's but mine. You belong to me now and forever. I will wait forever for you, Hannah.
I will wait for you forever.
Write to me my beautiful Hannah, write to me. Address the letter to:
Mr. H. I. Talbot
Messrs. Shaw, Savilla, and Co.,
34, Leadhall Street
London, Great Britain,
United Kingdom
They will forward any correspondence to me, wherever I may be.
Do not forsake me my Darling Hannah, for without you, my existence will be meaningless. Your letters are all that I can have of you. Please do not deny me the only thing that is possible between us.
Your humble servant,
Talbot
