Nerdmin - Nerd Armin FanFiction

Chapter 3

You stared at the screen for a long minute. Then another.

 Armin: Are you okay? The answer felt like a shrug you didn't have the energy to give.

You didn't reply right away. You got up. Brushed your teeth. Threw water on your face until you almost felt human and put a little make up on, just so you won't feel as miserable. His hoodie was still on you and for some reason you didn't take it off. It was like he was there with you, or you were in his arms. It smelled like him and like his cologne.

You: i'm okay. just tired.  You answered after an hour, or maybe more.

Armin: yeah. me too.

Armin: can i come by later? we don't have to talk if you don't want. i just wanna see you.

You should've said no. You should've said you needed space, or time, or anything normal people say when they're feeling like shit, when too much happens. But you didn't.

You: yeah, okay. No emoji. No heart. Just that. He didn't answer, but maybe he didn't have to.

You sat there on your bed, knees pulled to your chest. Everything still felt like too much. The air. The silence. The fact that Armin was Armin and you weren't over any of it, not really.But at least now you weren't pretending anymore.

You didn't clean up, except for the small amount of makeup you applied. Didn't fix your hair or change or even take off his hoodie.

You told yourself it was because you were tired. But maybe it was more than that. Maybe you wanted him to see you like this- raw and fucked up. Just the girl he left behind and the one he held last night. 

When the knock finally came, you almost didn't answer. You stood in the middle of your room, heart racing like a fucking idiot, just staring at the door. 

He knocked again. Softer this time. Like he was scared you changed your mind.

You opened it. And there he was. Armin. Hair a mess. An old black hoodie on. That same look in his eyes that made your chest ache, like he wanted to say a thousand things but didn't know how to start a single one. Like he was scared of saying too much or not enough. Even like this he looked so pretty.

"Hey," he said, voice quiet, almost shy.

You stepped aside without saying anything and let him in.

He walked in like he didn't know where to stand. Just hovered by your desk for a second, hands in his pockets, looking at everything except you.

"This feels weird " he said eventually. "Being here. After... last night."

You shrugged, arms crossed, trying to keep yourself from going crazy. "Yeah. It does."

There was a pause. Heavy. Thick.

"I didn't sleep" he said suddenly. "Kept thinking about what you said. About how I had chances. All those times. And I just... didn't take them and... I kept thinking about you"

You sat on the edge of your bed, eyes on the floor. "Yeah, well. That's kinda the story of us isn't it?"

He flinched like you slapped him. "I know" he whispered. "And I hate that. I hate that I made you feel like a backup plan. Or like you weren't enough. You were always enough. I just..."

He stopped, rubbed the back of his neck like it physically hurt to admit it.

"I was a coward" he said finally. "Still am, probably."

You looked up at him your throat on fire, "You hurt me." 

"I know."

"Like really fucking hurt me." You felt your eyes watery, and you wanted to smash your head into a wall right now. It was not the moment to be weak.

"I know," he said again, voice cracking. "And I'm sorry. I've been sorry for a long time. I just didn't know how to say it until last night. And even then, I think I fucked it up."

You stood. Slowly. Walked over until you were standing in front of him, just inches away.

He looked down at you, eyes glassy and blue and full of something that made your knees feel weak.

"You didn't fuck it up" you said softly. "Not yet anyway." He exhaled like he'd been holding his breath for years. You could see that he was also stressed about it.

"I'm still mad" you said.

"I know."

"I don't trust you. Not completely. I can't do that yet"

"I don't blame you."

"But..." You hesitated for a while "I don't want to lose this. Whatever this is. I don't want to pretend anymore. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and pretend I don't want you."

His lips parted like he was about to say something, but you reached out and grabbed the front of his hoodie, just lightly, just enough to anchor yourself.

"I don't want you to fix everything," you said. "You can't. But I need to know you're not just gonna disappear again"
"Please... don't leave me again Armin"

He covered your hand with his, so gently it almost hurt.

"I'm here" he said. "I'm right here. And I'm not going anywhere."

You didn't kiss him. You just leaned your head against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around you like you were something precious. Like if he held you too tight, you'd shatter, but if he let go, he'd lose you forever. And indeed, it was like that.

But you were in his arms, and it was all that mattered.

Jesus I'm sorry it's so angsty but I just like a slow burn sometimes, even if this wasn't slow at all, but like a lot of emotions involved LIKE LOVE AND SHIT LIKE THAT.

Hope y'all liked it and don't forget to vote <3. Moot me on discord reeas.1