Nerdmin - Nerd Armin FanFiction

Chapter 3

For half an hour, or almost an hour, Armin kept you close to him. Hugging you tight. Your head was on his chest, and both of you were silent, you didn't say shit and he didn't say it either. It felt so weird in a way. He just gave you the best orgasm of your life in one of Jean's hookup rooms and how he was being all emotional and it hurt. Your heart was still hurting somehow. It wasn't enough, no matter how good he was with his tongue or how many times he said he was sorry. IT WAS NOT ENOUGH. And he knew that.

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The ride back to your dorm was weirdly quiet. You didn't expect him to drive you back to the dorm, not after all the shit that happened tonight.

It felt in a way... weird, not awkward, just heavy. Like your skin still remembered his hands and your lips still felt bruised from all the kissing and your brain couldn't stop spinning no matter how many times you blinked. Armin kept one hand on the wheel, the other drumming on his thigh like he didn't even notice he was doing it. He wasn't looking at you. Not like before. Not like when you both got stuck in the weed closet. Now he looked tired. Or maybe scared. Or both. Sometimes Armin was hard to read. 

You didn't say anything. You didn't know how. It felt too soon to talk about what happened, but too late to pretend it didn't. So you sat there, in his car that smelled faintly like mint gum and regret, trying to remember why you were mad at him. You had reasons. Good ones. You were sure of it. But right now, all you could think about was how warm he felt when he held you and how fucked it was that you still wanted more. That you wanted him to fuck the sadness and pain out of you.

He cleared his throat, real quiet, like he was trying not to scare the moment away. "Hey," he said, voice rough. "Just so you know... I don't regret it."

You turned to look at him, and for the first time he met your eyes. "Any of it and i liked it, a lot" he added. "Not the kiss. Not... that." A muscle in his jaw twitched. "I just... I'm terrified."

That part, the last one, he whispered. Like it physically hurt to say out loud.

"Why?" you asked, and even you were surprised how steady your voice sounded.

He huffed a breath, almost a laugh but not really. "Because it was you," he said, eyes flicking back to the road. "Not some girl I won't text tomorrow. Not a fuckup I can drink away. It was you. And I don't get a do-over if I screw this up."

You looked out the window for a second, because his words hit you like a punch in the chest. You wanted to scream that he already screwed up. That he left you hanging for years. That he made you feel like a backup plan. You wanted to say it, but it felt old now. Dull and distant and stupid, compared to the way he touched you like he meant it. 

"I was mad at you," you said instead, quietly.

"I know." He sounded miserable. "You should be." His expression was sad, his eyes way too blue and kind of watery probably because it was late, really late, and all you wanted to do was to bury your face in the crook of his neck and stay there in his arms until it felt safe. But you couldn't.

"I still kinda am."

"Good."

That made you blink. "Good?" 

He nodded once. "Because if you weren't, it would mean you didn't care. And I'd rather you hate me than feel nothing."

" I don't hate you Armin... I could never do that" You said softly, looking at him, " I just... yeah Its complicated " If you continued you knew tears will start falling so you stopped. It was better this way.