On the outside, my life looks... fine, I guess. School, friends, volleyball and repeat. Same cycle, different day.
School? Boring. The only reason I even survive it is because of my friends. If they weren't there, I would literally lose my mind. I don't have that one best friend like everyone posts on Instagram. I have five. Five girls who know me better than I know myself sometimes. Some I've known since we were little kids, some since first grade. And then there's the boys. Our little squad. Theres 6 girls and 6 boys. We're not that small friend group, if you know, you know.
But here's the thing...
Even when I'm with them, I feel like an extra sometimes. Like I'm just there, laughing, talking, yapping - but if I disappeared, no one would really notice. And it kinda hurts, but I never tell anyone that.
School pressure? I don't really feel it. I wish I felt it. Maybe then I'd actually know how to study. But I don't. I stare at my notebook for five minutes and then somehow end up stalking random people from my fake profile on Instagram for hours.
And the worst part is... I don't even know why I do it. Maybe I'm trying to distract myself from everything I don't want to think about. Or maybe I'm just waiting for something to happen -some message, some notification, anything that would make me feel like I'm not invisible.
People always tell me I'm too loud. That I talk too much. And maybe they're right. Maybe I yap because if I stop talking, they'd realize they don't really need me there. Because if I'm not the funny one, or the talkative one... then who am I?
I wish I could explain how it feels to be surrounded by people but still feel alone. How I can be in the middle of a group chat, spamming memes and jokes, and then the second I put my phone down, the silence hits me like a wave.
Do they even notice when I stop texting?
Would they notice if I disappeared for a day? A week?
It's weird, isn't it? How you can have everything: friends, a team, a whole little world, and still feel like something's missing.
Maybe I'm not scared of being alone. Maybe I'm scared of being surrounded by people and still feeling like I am.
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My path
Non-FictionThis is my life, my journey, and my story to tell. Ive faced a lot of challenges, doubts, and moments where I didn't know what to do next. Sometimes, it feels like no one truly understands, like I'm stuck in a place I don't belong. Thats why Im wri...
