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My world has always been silent. I’ve learned to live in quiet, in the absence of sounds that others take for granted. That doesn't mean I don't feel the world. I feel it differently, perhaps more profoundly, through smells, vibrations, colors, and textures. My world has a different rhythm, a different harmony – a harmony that not many understand.
There have been many times when I wished I could hear. To hear the laughter of those around me, to hear the stories they tell, to understand the words people exchange with each other. But more than anything, I’ve wanted to understand what lies beyond my silence. Why does everything seem to move around me, yet I never seem to capture the essence of that flowing life? Why does their world have sounds and echoes, while mine only… absence?
Silence is not necessarily my enemy. I know it and recognize it, like an old acquaintance. But there are moments when I feel the need for more. I wish I could hear the thoughts around me sometimes, to communicate without walls between us. To be heard. To be understood. Usually, I hide behind a wall of silence and learn to read in eyes, in gestures, in the silences of others. But I’ve learned something even more special. A language that not many understand. The language of smells. When I cannot hear, I learn to smell.
Smell is my life. The smell of coffee morning, the smell of rain on asphalt, the smell of a flower opening… all of these tell me more than words ever could. They give me meanings, they give me clues about how to navigate the world, through a world that bypasses me, that looks at me with eyes that do not understand. Smells do not betray, they do not ask you to interpret them wrong. They are precise and real. They know when something isn’t right and warn me.
There have been many times I felt that the world would be easier to understand if I could hear. But I’ve realized that I don’t need hearing to understand what’s happening around me. All I need is attention. Focus. Smells do not lie. They tell you the truth, even when words are scattered or ignored.
If there is one thing I’ve learned, it is that life is a long and winding path. I’ve always been on the verge of getting lost, unable to find meaning in everything around me. Sometimes, I’ve felt that the world is too big for me. But I’ve learned that it’s not that big. Perhaps it’s even smaller than it seems – and when you realize that you have all the pieces you need to understand it, everything begins to make sense.
That doesn’t mean that everything is easy. I’m not always ready for what comes next, for the smells that penetrate deep within me, or for the moments when the world around me seems to unravel and I don’t know how to piece it back together. But I’ve learned to live with that. I’ve learned to gather myself, even when everything seemed shattered.
I don’t know what comes next. I don’t know how each step will be. But one thing I do know: my world will never again be just silence. And maybe, in time, I will learn to understand everything that is offered to me.
It’s just a matter of learning to listen truly. And, perhaps, to start feeling truly. To start understanding truly.
