Emerald Strings

Filthy Redhead

His voice had raised to a yell now, his anger erupting like a volcano. He was in no mood to hear his mother's calming words.

“너 그렇게 다들 다르게 생각하는 거 정말 싫어? 너 정말 그거 때문에 화를 내는 거야? 내가 그 여자한테 좀 주의하라고 했다고 해서 이렇게 나오는 거야? 네가 그 여자한테 다르게 대해야지, 네가 그렇게 화낼 이유는 없어. 그 여자가 상처를 받았잖아.” (Are you really that mad that everyone thinks of you differently? Is that really what’s making you so angry? Just because I told her to be cautious, you’re reacting like this? You should’ve treated her differently, there’s no reason for you to get this mad. That girl’s hurt, you know?)

Sunghoon laughed bitterly, throwing his head back in frustration.

“어머니는 나를 그렇게 생각하시겠죠. 그 여자한테 내가 특별한 존재인 것처럼. 나 색맹이라고 다 알고, 나한테 너무 많이 신경 써서 내가 뭘 하든 다 신경 쓰고. 왜 이런 대우가 필요한지 모르겠어요.” (I guess that’s how you think of me too. That girl thought I was special. She knew I was colorblind, and she kept making everything about that. Why do I need this treatment? Why do I need special attention?)

His voice cracked a little, the bitterness seeping through as he continued.

“그냥 나를 평범하게 대해주세요. 저는 그냥 다른 사람들과 똑같이 살고 싶어요. 왜 그게 그렇게 어려운가요? 씨발.” (Just treat me like a normal person. I just want to live like everyone else. Why is that so hard? Fuck.)

His mother’s voice softened but with a sharp edge, the tone of her words not lost on him.

“그 여자에게 그렇게 말한 것도 너 자신을 생각해서 한 거야. 너가 그 여자를 상처 주지 않게 하려고 그런 거라니까. 네가 상처받을 거 같아서, 나도 걱정이 돼서 그런 거야.” (The reason I said that to her was to protect you. I didn’t want her to hurt you. I was worried that you would get hurt, and that’s why I did it.)

Sunghoon squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his breath grow shallow. It hurt. He didn’t expect this from his own mother. How could she not understand?

“어머니, 저 그런 거 필요 없어요. 저를 특별하게 대해주지 마세요. 그냥 저한테 평범하게 대해주세요. 내가 잘못한 거 없잖아요. 왜 그걸 가지고 이렇게 대우하는 거지?” (Mother, I don’t need that. Don’t treat me like I’m special. Just treat me like a normal person. I haven’t done anything wrong. Why does everyone treat me like this?)

Sunghoon’s grip on the phone was now tight enough that his knuckles turned pale. He could feel his heart racing, the heat of frustration not abating.

“정말 미쳤어요? 그런다고 제가 행복할 것 같아요? 제 인생은 뭐라고 생각하는 거예요?” (Are you really crazy? Do you think this will make me happy? What do you think my life is?)

The frustration in his voice was unbearable now, and it felt like he was being suffocated by the expectations everyone had of him.

“I just want to live. I just want to be treated like a damn human. What’s wrong with that? Why do you all think this is some kind of weakness? I’m not asking for pity or special treatment. I just want normalcy!”

There was a deep silence, heavy with unspoken words. Sunghoon was breathing heavily, his anger taking all the air from his lungs. And then his mother spoke, her voice softer, but now tinged with a touch of regret.

“알아요, Sunghoon. 나는 너를 특별하게 대하려는 의도가 아니었어. 그냥 너가 너무 힘들어할까 봐 걱정돼서 그랬어. 내가 잘못한 거 같아요.” (I know, Sunghoon. I didn’t mean to treat you like you’re special. I was just worried you’d be hurt, so I did it to protect you. I think I made a mistake.)