Rebel (Civil War Period)

Chapter 16..

"Indeed, I have myself not believed it possible." I smiled faintly. "As I had never believed to stand here."

"My ladyship, it is so impudent to ask, but how have you met my master? We were all so certain that there only ever was the army for him, especially after he had turned down so many well-bred women, much to the anger of his father. For Master Whitlock there has always only been his soldier's life."

"I am afraid that is still so." I sighed and followed the servant upstairs to my rooms. "And it is the army I have met him through. His men had been wounded at the battle of Barbourville, and I tended their wounds..."

"How does a lady like you get so close to war?"

"I am General Ellwood's daughter." I said simply, and I heard the woman gasp. "Yes, indeed. But you cannot help who you fall in love with."

"True words, my lady, true words indeed. How little unhappy marriages there would be if every woman were as brave as you were to stand up to herself..." She muttered and opened the door to a sunlit room. I was certain that this had been the most beautiful room I had ever seen - It was warm, cozy and bright, overlooking the sea. The sea. How I had always longed to see it, and now it was right before my doorstep.

"These will be your quarters, my lady. Master Whitlock had especially asked these here to be prepared for you. He said you might enjoy the view."

I would not have thought my husband so considerate, remembering vaguely that I had only once, in-between two breaths, told him how much I would love to see the sea.

"It is a lovely sight." I sighed, looking at the setting sun. Jasper would soon be home. What would he do when he saw his children?

I was sitting on the porch and rejoiced in the sight of the sea, drank iced tea and thought how lucky I was. Jasper would leave the army, and then he would forever be safe, I would never have to fear for his life again.

I was just about to return inside when I heard the hooves on the gravel. They were clattering quickly, dynamically.

I rose up and descended the steps down onto the gravel yard, shielding my eyes from the sun with one hand. I could hear the horse nearing throughout the other noise, made by the people in the streets. Only moments later, the rider entered the yard - Jasper, sitting proudly on his sorrel, and looked nothing less but a god.

Gracefully he dismounted, and his horse stayed put as Jasper came hurrying towards me. I abandoned all remaining sense for decency and ran towards him, jumping into his arms. I felt his muscles ripple through my dress, and his lips sought mine which replied all too readily to his. After long and straining struggles, I finally stood here with my husband, ready to finally lead the life I had been striving for.

"I want to see our children."

I nodded, secretly dreading the moment he would. It was easy to accept fatherhood when one is not affected by it directly - what would Jasper do once he became aware, truly aware, of the consequences our love had? He might give up the army, but that did not make him a devoted family man. "They're upstairs. May I note that your house is magnificent? It is the most beautiful building I have ever seen."

"I am glad you think so. For it will be yours, Georgiana." He smiled contently as he laid his arm around my waist.

"I still find it a little hard to believe that it is all true."

Jasper stayed silent.

"You did leave the army?"

"Georgiana, love, let's talk about this later."

No. Oh, no. Jasper was still the Confederate general, and he was far from being safe. No.

I could have cried out in despair and anger, but we just reached Jonathan's and Felicity's room, so I swallowed down my frustration and opened the door. Decorum, my mother's voice chimed in my head. A lady bears everything with a smile on her lips and without complaint.

But I am no lady. I am a general's wife, a woman who would do anything to achieve what she wants, a woman who will not ignorantly sit in her parlour stitching while the world around her was perishing.

For now, however, I concentrated on my family. A smile came to my lips automatically once I had picked Jonathan up from his bed. His silver eyes blazed brightly, he gurgled happily as I rested him on my hip. I looked at Jasper. "Your son - Jonathan."

My husband intently gazed at me, and I felt as if my soul was an open book to him. I knew he knew I had named our son after his father, a silent act of mockery to my family. John stretched out his arms to Jasper, who took him from me surprisingly readily. I might be no master in reading people, but I was sure to see pride in Jasper's eyes as he held his son in his arms.

"You managed to keep this from me? From the rest of the world?"

"I had to. Otherwise not only my future would have been ruined, but also his. I can't destroy my children like I did my family. Once you know what you want, you only have to find a way of achieving it."

"You'd make a fine general, my love." He cupped my face in his hand and kissed me, but my mind was too occupied with the knowledge of him leaving again for the army as that I could enjoy it as much as I should.

Instead, I turned away and walked over to Felicity, cradling her tiny body against my chest. With her on my arm, I turned around again and presented my husband his daughter. It was the first time that I saw Jasper's beautiful face completely rid of any wariness, the first time that the warrior in him was not shining through like a fire in the night.

That's when I realised that he was longing for a peaceful home as much as I was.

After our first dinner as husband and wife (actually, it was our first dinner at all), when the plates had been cleared away, I leaned back in my chair and sharply demanded: "Did you leave the army?"

Jasper fixed his gaze first on his wine glass, then on me. "No, I did not."

That's what I had feared. Feeling helpless anger and despair, I avoided his gaze and looked outside the window. I wanted nothing more but to scream out loud.

"Georgiana, we might lose this war, yes. That does not mean I can just abandon my men. I chose to lead them. I did so while we were victorious, and I will do so when we are defeated." His voice rose, and I noticed he was not defensive. He believed he did the right thing and saw no need of justifying his actions -what else had I expected? I wouldn't love him if he were a man not following his heart, whatever it might tell him. I wouldn't love him if he were any different than he was.

"I will leave the army, but I won't do so before this war is over." For once, I wished he wouldn't be so proud and honourable.

"What if it never will be? How long has it been going on now? Five years? Who says it doesn't take another five?!" Both of us stood now, pacing the room as we fired back and forth.

"Even if it will take ten more years, I will not desert my army. Those men trust me, and I will not leave them simply because of the prospect of losing."

"I knew from the first day I met you that there would only ever be the military for you, and I agreed to living with that when I married you. I will not ask you to make the decision between the army and me, because I do not wish to leave you. All I want of you is that you end this war, and then come back home."

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