Skinny Dipping At Dusk

Don't Push Me Away

Laughing, I nudged him in the shoulder and pulled myself up. Gavin took that as his cue and also sat up before heading down the stairs. “Hey meet me later there’s just something I really need to do,” I told him as he headed off towards the dock, no doubt ready take his usual swim.

He shouted back something I couldn’t quite understand, so I shrugged my shoulders and went to open my cabin door. The hot air greeted me so I instantly reached for the hair band around my wrist and pulled my uncontrollable locks back.

Sighing, I made my way over to the bedside table and sat down on the bed. Taking in a deep breath of air I reached for the little drawer and opened it up. Inside sat Landon’s journal. The brown leather cover looked warn, which told me that there had to be plenty of time he used it to write down his feelings.

I was so very tempted to lie back on the bed and tear through his writing, soaking in every word, but I knew I couldn’t. It would just make everything worse. I had to forget about him, and that meant somehow getting rid of this diary.

Sadly, I stood from the bed and made my way towards the door. I cursed as the little leather book came loose in my hand and dropped onto my bed. The journal popped open, revealing the most beautiful cursive writing I had ever seen. Even though the cursive was beautiful, it was also very readable and after only reading a few words I found my name.

Damn it Mia!

Shaking my head, I snatched up the diary and held it close to my chest. How could I do this to myself? It was so torturing, every part of me wanted to rip open the book and read it all. I mean, that’s why he gave it to me right? He expected me to read it, he wanted me to read it.

Landon wanted me to read it.

All of it, every last word. That was the whole point, he wanted me to read it. Of course he did, but it was still wrong, I couldn’t violate his privacy like that.

But he stomped all over your feelings, why do you care?

Struggling with myself for an answer, I slipped into my bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. Looking down at the journal, I came to a conclusion. One page, that’s all I would read. One page, and then I would burn the whole thing, rip it to tiny bits.

I took in a deep breath before fingering three fourths the way through the pages. I squeezed my eyes shut really quickly before taking a second look at the beautiful writing. A smile instantly formed on my lips and the sight. Surprisingly, Landon didn’t date the entry so I began right away with the first words on the page.

I feel like I’ve spent my whole life pushing people away; mostly girls but all for the same reason. I can never get too close to someone, because in the end they’ll end up leaving just like everyone else does. Like my sister, like my mother and father are, the only one I have is Luke and I won’t let him go.

Oh God, this was something personal, really personal. I didn’t even know Landon had a sister, and what did he mean by they left? I couldn’t do this, I couldn't read this. Just as I was about to close the book, I spotted my name a few words down. Unable to help myself, I read on.

Mia. God, her name is like music to my ears sometimes. She’s the whole reason for this dilemma though; I can’t tell if her being here has made my life a living hell or something unimaginable. First, I liked how feisty she was, how she wouldn’t seem afraid at all. And then I saw her with Owen and all this hatred built up inside me.

I sucked in a deep breath hoping that whatever next wouldn’t be too bad.

My initial thought was how could she mess around with him, knowing that he had a girlfriend? And then every time I saw Owen I just wanted to punch his face in so hard. Then I thought, how could she choose him over me? And then even after I knew she knew nothing about his girlfriend, I still felt so mad that she had even been with him, and took it out on her. How could I let a girl get to me this much? Never in my life have I ever let any female have so much control over my emotions. That was the plan, use them and then move on. But I couldn’t move on with Mia, and she wouldn’t just let me use her. That was the best part, she was different from the est. She was so beautiful, and funny. She was better than them all.