WINTER'S SHIPS | UNDER EDITING!

MY KIND OF SIN - ft. Karina[M]

I am in my late twenties now and on the outside, my life looks perfect. I own a successful jewelry company and I am married to a man who seems like the perfect husband. He is handsome, has a stable job and is a genuinely good person. That is the problem, he is so perfect that I can't find a single flaw. Next to him, I feel like every move I make is a mistake. I feel insecure, like I am the problem in the relationship. I tried to talk to him about these feelings but he just told me not to worry. Still, I have this heavy, unspeakable feeling inside me.

Even though I run a business, I still like to have fun. When I was younger, I went out every night with my friends to party and enjoy life. But now that I am approaching thirty, my life has become a boring cycle of home, work, and shopping. My husband does the same. He is perfect but I don't feel any real love or affection from him anymore. He has failed to show me that he cares.

I told my friends about this. They all agreed with me but said it would probably pass soon. Now, I am almost forty and that missing affection is still gone. I've stopped hoping for more.

"You're in deep thoughts, Katarina Yu" my friend Giselle said, snapping me back to reality.

I shook my head and went back to the pile of documents on my desk that needed my signature. "Just thinking about something" I replied.

Giselle looked at the papers I was working on. "I told you, let's go to a party tonight."

I looked at her in disbelief. "Seriously? We aren't teenagers anymore, Gi. You know that."

She scoffed. "Now what? Partying has an age limit? That's news to me" she said sarcastically.

"You can't be serious."

"I am dead serious. Try going out with us at least once a month. Work is eating you alive, and that isn't good for you."

I sighed and kept signing papers. "I just don't feel like having fun. I'm not young anymore and I have responsibilities."

"Responsibilities for what, exactly?"

That question made me stop. She was right. I didn't have any responsibilities other than being a good wife.

"I don't know... to stay by my husband's side?"

"That's a petty reason" Giselle said. "You aren't leaving him, you're just having a life. You two don't have kids, and it's not your fault he isn't capable of giving you a child. He even stopped showing you affection after he found out he couldn't have children. He's the problem, not you. You two tried and tried, you know that."

Her words really hit me.

"If you aren't happy with a setup that makes you feel bad for wanting a happy life, then divorce him" Giselle continued. "I care about you. You are a woman and a woman deserves to be loved. He doesn't even give you his full attention, all he cares about is his work and his reputation. Admit it."

That really hurt because it was true. Jaehyun had admitted to me before that he was only interested in me during our last year of college because I was beautiful and all his friends envied him. I was a trophy to him.

"I don't know, Gi."

Giselle held my hands and looked at me with concern. "Please, let's go out tonight. The girls miss you too."

I finally gave in and nodded.

"Alright! See you at 7:00 PM sharp" she said, winking at me before leaving. Gi was right. I just wanted to be truly loved.

__________

"Gi, where are you? I'm at the club. Come get me at the door" I said over the phone.

Giselle showed up right away, greeting people as she walked. When she saw me, she looked genuinely happy. "You made it! Now let's go."