Unsent Text And Hidden Notes

Probably the last note

Alright, soo it's been long. I have 3 chapters that I haven't uploaded yet, I am considering uploading them coz they have extremely sensitive details that I am not sure if should be shared, but I will share them after a while.

Why I'm updating this is to jst put things out, I am not a person who shares about her identity to ppl easily, I ought to be the mysterious person and without realising I became one. There is so many things in my life which at the point I hide from ppl. One of my only frnd tht stayed by said ' I think you hide something from everyone, you don't open up completely to anyone.' Thinking of which she is right. I unconsciously hide things from everyone. If I'm going thru a phase I tend to talk about it when it's over, But when I'm here writing abt what's happening. I just write. I omit details but I put it out and somehow it felt good.

I am gonna copy paste something that I noted down a while back:

It's weirdly calming that I haven't kept these feeling to myself. I have it out in the world and someone a complete stranger precisely is seeing this and knows I am not completely fine.

Reading this again made me realise I don't think I ever wanted to be alone. I don't think I ever wanted for people to think I'm fine. I don't think I ever wanted to keep things to myself.

But I think it's too late to realise. As always expected from me.

I remember I used to tell my frnds ' it doesn't matter who you are happy with, if you are more happy with them, i'll let you go' now that i let them go i'm not able to see them happy and it hurts that i'm not the one making them happy.

I have soo much more to say:

i wanna talk about my first flight experience, i wanna talk about my hectic travel weeks, i wanna talk abt my hotel stay, I wanna the talk about how i was doing karaoke at my hotel, i wanna talk about how i went to pune and got down in the middle to meet someone i said ill never see again, i wanna talk about how I was sooo numb even after my first flight experience tht i wanted to drink and feel some peace. i wanna talk about how i passed out at someone's place and my mom called police.

there's soo much to talk but no one to listen. these notes works the best in such situation.

for some of y'all, this is the last note you'll see from me, coz after this i'll block few peep and continue taking abt other stuff of my life, which i might not want y'all to see. I can't keep it in to me so i'll keep be an open book with few pages hidden.

see y'all!