Linked Paths

Arc II - Many Firsts [Chapter 4: Pandora's Box]

But damn. The sight of Kacchan, with his pants down, receiving a blowjob, the sounds he made, the expression on his face...so full of lust...his member entering...I gulp. Besides, I still regularly rack my brains as to why he didn't turn away or did whatever else. Looking back, it even seemed as if he liked me catching him doing smut stuff.

All that set something in motion in me, sparked my fire. I'm not talking about a slow process here. No. More like a wildfire. Something that changed a part of me in an extreme short space of time. And yes, I never ever expected Kacchan to be the person causing such kind of chain reaction.

This 'encounter' gave me this first ominous Kacchan-dream. I am sure of it. Which in turn brings me to the status quo: I, Izuku Midoriya, who can't keep his hands off his crotch.

Having release this way isn't bad, but something is missing though. It lacks the thrill, the novelty, more precisely, a guy doing it with me. This wish returned to the surface during the wildfire, more pronounced than before. Sadly, I neither have a lover nor - which would be ideally - a boyfriend, and neither grows on trees. My virgin shyness definitely gets also in my way. Meaning, I can't simply hook up with someone or anything.

It gets worse, because there's another, much bigger problem as icing on the cake.

That is, I have someone very specific in mind for this sex-thing-purpose, someone I want to touch me, to initiate me into sex. The mere act of admitting this to myself is incredibly embarrassing.

Who I'm talking about here is not hard to guess, right?

I step out of the shower and start to dry myself off. I snort. I'm a hopeless case, aren't I? It's absolutely wrong to see Kacchan that way. Knowing this, but also putting it into practice, that's a different kettle of fish.

Especially as he and I are friends and spend most of our time together. This not only makes everything more complicated but also is a terrible combination.

Due to the wildfire, I developed an unrealistic perception overnight, causing me to interpret his actions through a false filter.

The thing is, Kacchan and I have a lot of physical contact because of all the training and stuff we do together as well as our relaxed relationship. My charred brain immediately sees more into it which doesn't do me any good. So stupid! I know that he doesn't perceive me in a sexual way at all.

My solution is obvious: another guy. How nice it would be to quickly meet someone who could take my mind off Kacchan, to a far healthier and, more importantly, realizable option, as well as help me to put this confusing matter behind.

Which inevitably leads my thoughts to...him.

The most promising candidate turned out as the fuel of my nightmares...My insides gnash with disgust and hatred.

After the incident, I initially had a problem with nakedness, both foreign and self. I couldn't and didn't want to touch myself in an erotic way, let alone masturbate. Only the thought of sex scared the hell out of me. I feared that I would stay anxious and, in the end, lose interest in sex completely, but luckily that didn't happen. Instead, I was able to recover my appetite recently. More than that. My wish of having sex is greater than ever before. That fact deeply surprises as well as scares me. I can't tell if this way of abrupt recovery is normal. No complaining, but what if I desperately want to "force" positive experiences as quickly as possible? With the aim to overcast the incident with you-know-who. Maybe that's what I want. Is that reprehensible? Yeah, presumably.

Nonetheless it could be worse, and I believe that I've remained comparatively healthy in this respect. That I haven't suffered some deep trauma I owe to all the wonderful support I have received and still do. It's hardly possible to put my gratitude into words.