Just One Step

I watched as the doctor pushed the plunger of the needle down; watching as the liquid drained into the IV and eventually into Cally. 

The atmosphere was heavy with sadness and sorrow. Everyone knew what was coming, everyone had known for a long time. Everyone but me.

Cally looked into my eyes and whispered with what little strength she had left: "Will you hold me until it's over?"

Gritting my teeth against the pain in my chest: "Of course."

I lowered the bed guard and carefully got into the bed with her while pulling her gently into my arms, her head resting against my chest; against my heart.

She was so thin, thinner than the thinnest model, but Cally was still more beautiful than any model could ever be.

How could I have been so lucky to have met such a wonderful person in my life? Me, the one who had fought recklessly. Me, the one who had not given a damn about anything; not life, not the future, not a damned thing. And yet, fate was kind enough to bring this wonderful, sweet creature into my life, my life that had no purpose. 

Cally looked to her mother and asked: "Will you sing the lullaby, Mama?"

Cally's mom had tears streaming down her face but she agreed to sing one last time for her baby.

The words came out shakey and damp in the beginning, but they soon turned into a melodious tune that seemed to soothe even my aching soul.

Cally's father wrapped his arms around his wifes' shoulders, tears staining his face as well.

The tears.... they had been flowing non-stop out of all of us since three long days ago; when the doctor had confirmed that Cally's condition had taken a turn for the worse.

I looked out the window to see the clouds were ominous in the sky; threatening to release a storm, but no storm had arrived yet. Not weather wise, at least.

Cally's fingers brushed the back of my hand. I looked down into her sad, smiling face. Her beautiful brown eyes gazing up into mine. Then, slowly, her eyes started to close, never to open again.

I felt the last of her breath leave her body and that was it; the girl that I had loved was gone.

I didn't realize that my silent tears had turned into gasping sobs until Cally's parents came over and wrapped both myself and Cally's body into one final embrace. 

She was gone. Forever.

A few weeks had gone by when Cally's mother asked me to meet her at Cally's favourite place: the giant oak by the waterfront. There, she had given me a letter that she explained that Cally had asked her to give to me after she had passed. 

The content of Cally's letter to me made my body shatter into thousands of little tiny pieces. It read:

'I have always loved you. When we were in elementary school, I was intrigued by you. In middle school, I had a crush on you, and now, in high school, I am certain that I love you. But things have changed since elementary school: I am no longer a person that will enjoy a long life. I am a person that will die in horrible pain. Pain of knowing that I can never love you and the pain of this horrible disease. If only life were not so cruel, I would have given you all my love that I know you deserve. 

You are a very smart person, you just haven't realized this yet. You have been plagued by years of fighting to survive, and now that you don't need to fight to survive, fighting has become a habit for you. I can only hope you can one day realize the potential you hold.

You know what my final wish is? My very last wish? It's to see you graduate. I hope that I can hold out for that long, it's only another seven months and I've been doing really well lately, perhaps I can graduate with you!

I hope that one day, after I'm gone, you'll find someone that loves you just as much as you love me and I love you. I hope life can give you another chance and bring you someone who you feel you can feel relaxed around. I wish to be that person... but I can't....

I know that when you read this, I'll be gone, but.... I'll say this anyway:

I love you to the moon and back. And wherever I am now, (be it heaven or where ever we go after life) I will always and forever love you.

Thank you for being my best friend these last few months. I don't think that I could have faced it any other way.

~Cally'

The tears gushed out of me. She had loved me. LOVED ME. But she didn't want to submit to her feelings because she knew that the disease would take her soon. 

I screamed long and hard to the frozen world. I screamed from the pain that was tearing my heart apart. I was screaming because I didn't know of any other way to dispel this agony.

After what seemed like hours, my throat was hoarse and my body tired. Cally's letter was crumpled into my fist. Her words still stabbing me slowly. She had loved me...I had loved her... we were perfect for each other...

I stumbled to the railing that overlooked the water that wasn't frozen yet. It looked icy. It looked cold. It looked dead...it looked exactly as I felt inside.

No one was around. I stepped up unto the first bar, then the second, and on and on until I was on the other side of the railing, on a cliff where so many people had accidentally slipped and fell into their death.

'It'd be easy, just step forward and fall into the twenty foot drop. You could be with Cally in mere seconds,' a voice was telling me.

Having no other thoughts, I didn't think about the consequences, I didn't think about the fear, I didn't think, period; I just took a step...