Coming Out - An Emon Fanfic

Chapter 22 - Trying With Guilt

"Ethan? I got some soup for you." Simon sat on the edge of the bed as he lifted the spoon to Ethan's mouth, smiling as Ethan sipped the soup. Ethan smiled back, hiding his arm away as he ate.

Ethan had come home after being in hospital for a few days, but he was better. Simon had moved out from the Payne household and was staying at a hotel due to the incident, but he still visited. Ethan's parents were more reserved then usual towards Simon and Ethan was silent almost all the time.

The small marks on Ethan's face were disappearing but the marks on his arm were clearly visible. Simon had been working hard to make up for what happened, he had been by Ethan's side whenever he could and every morning he would bring a small gift.

Ethan had already forgiven Simon, but Simon still cried himself to sleep sometimes thinking about it - it was a horrible event. He had been a horrible person when he did it. Eventhough Ethan had forgiven him, Simon hadn't forgiven himself. He never could.

"Do you want anything else?" Simon asked as Ethan finished the soup. Ethan shook his head and gave Simon a little smile. "Ok." Simon quietly said back.

They heard a knock at the door and Ethan's mum came in with a sad smile on her face. "Simon, I'm so sorry but you're going to have to go now. Ethan has to get ready for his appointment with the therapist."

Simon looked at Ethan who smiled and looked back to Ethan's mum, who was standing by the door. He nodded and got up, taking the empty bowl and spoon. "See ya Ethan." He quietly said as he walked out of the room.

Downstairs, Simon was drying the bowl he had washed, carefully placing it back in the cupboard. "Simon?" He turned around to face Ethan. "Hey." Simon smiled. Ethan tried to smile back as he slowly walked towards him, speaking with a hoarse voice. "It's been two weeks since it happened. When are you going to go back to normal?"

Simon looked down at the floor, he had no reply. "Simon I miss you. I miss us." Ethan quietly said, his voice breaking. "Everything you're doing, you're doing it out of guilt, not love." Ethan said as tears began emerging.

Simon looked up at Ethan and shook his head. "No. Ethan, it's not like that. It's really not. I love you."

"No, you're filled with guilt. Everything you're doing is with guilt. All the gifts and pampering - it's all with guilt." Ethan whimpered as tears flowed down his cheeks.

"Yes. Yes, I do feel guilty, but I still love you. Ethan, I feel guilty because the reason you're like this is because of me. You were in hospital because of me. I hurt you Ethan. Not just physically, but emotionally. I... I made you hurt yourself - that's how disgusting I was. I pulled you with so much anger you fell. I threw the blade onto the mirror and it fell on you. Every single thing I did, affected you. It hurt you. How am I not meant to feel guilty Ethan? How am I not meant to feel sorry!" Simon replied back, bursting into tears.

Ethan covered his face as he cried. Simon looked down at the floor in shame. "Ethan, I'm so-"

"You should leave."

Simon looked at the doorway to see Ethan's dad. Simon looked at Ethan then back to his dad. "I..."

"You don't need to say anything. Just leave, now." Ethan's dad sternly said. Simon nodded before grabbing his coat and leaving.