Reckless

Chapter 22

"You have to tell him, Chesca."

"I know, but I denied it to him. I slapped him, hit him instead. My head exploded from pent-up anger. I just realized how childish I was pagkapasok ko nung bahay. Bigla nalang akong parang bulkan na sumabog sa galit after he told me that he's sorry and he's ready to father my children if they are his."

Inalis ni Amiel yung yakap niya sa'kin at iniharap ako sa'kanya.

"Overcoming the anger, depression, or guilt is the first thing single moms have to attend to before they can be effective at parenting. That's what my mom told me, sabihin ko daw yan sa'yo. Pero dapat tapos ka na sa phase na 'yan e." He said while gently stroking my cheek with his right hand.

I fought the urge to close my eyes from his touch, "Alam ko napatawad ko na siya, but I don't know what came over me. Parang lahat bumalik e."

"Lahat bumalik?" He asked, raising a brow at me.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin at hindi siya sinagot.

Dahil ako mismo frustrated.

Hindi ko nga alam na kahit pala napatawad mo na yung isang tao pwede pa rin pala bumalik lahat ng sa'kit kapag pinaalala nila yung masama nilang ginawa sa'yo.

He cleared his throat before speaking again as if iniiwasan niya din yung topic na gusto ko din iwasan.

"Pero normal lang siguro yan, because you just got the apology you deserve." He said and gave me a faint smile.

"I guess so, kasi ngayon... wala naman na kong nararamdamang galit sa'kanya parang nagulat lang din talaga kong makita siya dito kanina. Hindi lang ako kumportable sa presensya niya. But I guess I'm good. "

"Great, because incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't. Mag aanim na taon na ang nakalipas, kung si Roland may kasalanan sa'yo, sa mga anak niya wala. He deserves to know, the triplets deserve to know who their father is."

Napaisip ako sa sinasabi niya, hindi rin kasi siya lumaki sa isang buong pamilya, his dad knocked up her mom when they were senior in high school but his dad migrated without knowing his mom was pregnant. I understand where he is coming from.

"I get it, I'm just afraid and not yet ready to share them. Lalo na sa lifestyle na meron siya ngayon. I don't think it would be good for my children."

"You'll never know."

"Wait, are you defending him?"

"What? No, sa perception ko lang... lalaki din kasi ako. If I was the father of your children, I have every right you have. I deserve to be at least formally introduced to them that I am their dad."

"Every right I have? Simula day one he wasn't there. I was alone-"

"Di mo yun masusumbat sa'kanya na mag-isa ka lang for years 'cause you had a choice to tell him but you didn't. Kung wala man siya sa unang apat na taon ng buhay ng mga anak niyo, it wasn't his fault kasi hindi niya alam."