Short Stories : Untitled No. 1

the end

"I'm leaving."

I gasped and turned to look up at him with bewilderment. As his deep hazel brown eyes searched mine, all I could see was pain.

Breathlessly I answered, "No," and turned away to look out the window.

I sensed him take a step closer to me. I could feel his warmth filling the small gap between us. His hand burned through my thick wooly sweater, searing my shoulder. I took a deep breath and answered more firmly this time, "No, no, no, no," resting my chin in his hand, I answered once more, "No."

The silence between us was punctuated with him closing the space between us, his other hand snaked around my waist drawing me closer to him. With his chin resting on top of my head, he broke the silence.

I try not to look up at him. I blink away the tears that are forming, bracing myself as I prepare to hear what explanation he could possibly have.

"It's been slowly killing me. A part of me has been dying, knowing that this entire time, I would have to do this- break up. I know that we said we wouldn't end up this way," he pauses to take a deep breath. I feel him start to shake, "I'm leaving and I refuse to take you with me. This is the only way."

He is silent for a moment. I turn my face to press my ear to his heart, knowing that this would be the last time. Wrapping my arms around him, I pull him closer. His body is rigid. I felt the weight of our sorrow in the air as a tear rolled down my cheek.

I gather all of the strength I have to speak. I knew that had to say something, because he refused to come any closer. My small hands around his muscled back could not persuade him to soften.

I look into his eyes and start slowly, "Is this really the only way? I know you think that this is the best for us.  Giving up and not fighting for us. But for me, it isn't.  I can't just give up on us", I say waiting for a reaction.

His deep eyes are so glassy that one blink would send a flood down his cheek. His jaw tightens as he looks back into my eyes. He says nothing.

I place my hand on his chest and feel him breathe slowly as his heartbeat quickens.

More tears spill down my face as I continue with a firmer voice, "I want you to know that I could never stop loving you. Even when you're gone I'll still love you. You leaving doesn't end this", I take his hand and place it on my heart. "You're taking my heart with you", now sobbing I stop to let him out of my hold.

I hear the low rumble of his voice is unsteady at first, "I'm letting you go. I have to. Please don't make this any harder than it already is. You will never know what you mean to me. Do whatever you have to do to move on, okay? I'm not certain what will happen in the future, and it's not fair to ask you to wait for me. Enjoy your life and don't worry about me."

I realize how sure he sounds.  There is no convincing him when he's already made up his mind. 

I can't control myself as a sob wrecks through me, I pull myself into him and I swear it feels like our souls are breaking. I muster all the courage to study his eyes, lips, face, taking him all in knowing this would be the last time our bodies would be this close.

He wipes the tears from my face. It takes all my strength to smile and say,

"Goodbye".