CotE: DESOLATE

Prologue: Stages of human emotions.

荒涼とした

"All happy families are alike; each Unhappy family is unhappy In its own way."

~leo Tolstoy

|Ayanokouji kiyotaka POV|

Emotions.

A curious word, isn't it? Something foreign to me, yet I understand it perfectly.

They are the intricate interplay between cognitive processes and physiological reactions-a lens through which people perceive the world and interpret its meaning.

They aren't just abstract feelings; they're evolved mechanisms, driving humans through survival, social interactions, and decisions.

Emotions alert us to changes in our environment, pushing us toward action-an efficient communication system between the brain and the body, responding in real time without the burden of conscious thought.

Take fear, for example. At its core, it's an evolutionary response, protecting us from danger. The body reacts-heart racing, adrenaline coursing-long before the mind processes the threat.

Yet emotions are not simply biological reflexes; they are shaped by culture, experience, and interpretation. What brings joy to one person might bring sorrow or even indifference to another, showing how subjective they are.

It's interesting, really. The variability. The inconsistency. People see the world differently because of these fleeting impressions, these chemical impulses.

I don't feel any of it. I understand it, sure. I can observe it, dissect it, analyze it like a scientist peering through a microscope. But I don't feel. I never have.

And because of that, people would call me different. Cold. Detached. Perhaps even broken. But I don't think of myself as broken. I think of myself as complete-functional, efficient, like a machine.

I'm not burdened by emotions that can cloud judgment or distort reality.

Emotions are deeply intertwined with memory and identity. We don't just remember facts-we remember how we felt. Our sense of self is a collection of emotional responses accumulated over time.

In this way, emotions define not just how we survive, but who we are. I've come to understand this through observation, through interacting with others. I've seen how their emotions create a narrative for their lives.

How their memories are tainted with the color of their feelings. It's a fragile thing, memory. Easily influenced, easily shaped. But for me, memories are just data. Cold, unfeeling data. Events, actions, outcomes.

I recall them with perfect clarity, unmarred by emotion.

Strangely enough, emotions can both clarify and distort reality. Anger, for instance, might sharpen focus on an injustice, but it can also cloud judgment, leading to impulsive actions.

Love, on the other hand, can bond people together, nurturing cooperation, but it can also blind them to flaws and harmful behavior. The contradictions are endless. But they exist only for those who feel, who are swayed by their emotions like leaves caught in the wind.

I am not swayed. I am the wind itself, moving with purpose, unaffected by the turbulence around me.

But how do I know all this? I don't feel any of it. It's as if I'm a machine, observing, understanding emotions in others, adapting to social expectations, but never experiencing them myself.