The End is Only the Beginning

Chapter 10-I'm Not Ok

After a few more minutes of this, security finally came and dragged her out. I saw her screaming and kicking and was was suddenly ashamed to be related to her.

"How does your leg feel?" Darry asked me while he sat down. I followed his eyes as he looked down at my wrist, he knew. Darry knew. He looked back up at me with a desperate look in his eyes. He looked like he was asked why, why would I do that to myself. And the truth is I don't really know. I did it once and then I kept doing it. I really couldn't stop, it was scary how much control that knife had over me.

"It feels better, I don't really feel anything. How is Sodapop?" I asked while I sat up. That was my answer for Darry, I don't feel anything. I had been hurting myself so that I would feel something. I hadn't felt something in months, maybe years, and when I hurt myself I actually felt something. I didn't care if it was pain, I just needed to feel something.

"He is a lot better. The nurses said he might be able to visit you today." Darry told me.

I started to smile when I said, " That's amazing! Am I going to be ok?" I was scared, but there was no way I would admit it. I wasn't just asking about my leg. I was asking about myself. I was scared that I wouldn't be ok, that I would keep falling into this deep hole that never ended. And Darry knew this, I could tell by the look in his eyes.

"The nurse said you will have to use crutches for about 2 weeks, but then you will be fine." He told me.

I was relived that I would be able to walk again, "That's good." I was also relived that I would be ok.

Darry smiled and told us that he would go to the cafeteria to go get us some food. And it was then that I realized I hadn't eaten for 2 days. The last thing I ate was the eggs that Ponyboy had made for breakfast.

Ponyboy looked at me and grabbed my hand, "I'm so glad you're ok. I love you so much Grace, I mean it."

"I love you to Ponyboy," I said blushing hard.

Without warning he leaned in and hugged me tight. I wished I could never let go, but sadly it had to come to an end. We leaned out of the bug. I looked into his eyes which were an icy gray color like Darry's. I so badly wanted to kiss him, and it was like he read my mind. He leaned in and our lips touched. His lips were just as I had remembered, soft and like a drug. I suddenly felt a warm sensation go throughout my body as I leaned into the kiss. He slowly put his hand around my neck. Even though it wasn't the first time we had kissed it felt just like the first. Just the way his lips sent a shock through my body made me even more numb. But it was a good kind of numbness. I smiled into the kiss and we pulled out of it. We were both bright red and started to laugh, I don't know why. We just laughed for a while and it was nice. I hadn't laughed in a while. Suddenly Pony's eyes went wide as his eyes caught sight of the door. I turned my head quickly. That's when I noticed Sodapop standing in the door frame with a chocolate cake in his hands and a few cokes. He had a wild grin on his face. One nobody could match. His eyes were glowing and at that moment he really did look like a movie-star. Ponyboy had talked about Soda's looks before but I had never seen him look like this.

"Y'all are nasty ! I'm impressed though, Pony, that was your first kiss!" He laughed as he set the food down on the side-table.

"Wait, you didn't tell Soda?" I asked, shocked.

"...Maybe. Soda... Grace and I are dating. Please don't tell Darry. He's gonna freak out." Pony exclaimed, reaching over the bed to grab the coke that Sodapop was handing him.

"Ok fine I won't, but you guys better not do anything weird." He handed me a coke and started to cut the chocolate cake.

"Ew! Soda! That's gross." I laughed. We spent that afternoon laughing together and just talking.It was really nice.

Later that day around 4 Darry came to visit me. Ponyboy and Sodapop had been told to leave by the nurses so that I could get some rest. I really wasn't tired but the nurses said that they had to leave. When Darry came in he sat down in a chair next to the bed and I knew I was about to be lectured. He was about to say something about my wrists, about how it's not ok and that it isn't productive. As much as I loved Darry he never really was much help with feelings, he was always really practical and straightforward.

"Gracie... Why?" He asked, and it took me by surprise. I thought he would yell at me or get mad. Instead he looked concerned and worried.

"I... I don't know. I'm real sorry Darry, I never meant for it to be like this. I did it once and it was like I couldn't stop, Im real sorry. Please don't be mad." I said and my voice started cracking. I don't know why I was crying, I did this to myself. But the second I let one tear fall I started to bawl.

Darry pulled me into a hug, "Oh Gracie. I'm not mad at you, I'm so sorry that you had to go through this alone." I really needed that hug.

" Don't tell the gang... please. I don't want them to worry." I cried into Darry's neck as we hugged.

"Fine. But you gotta stop kid, it's not good. I'm here for you, you're not going through this alone." He told me as he rubbed my back. I went about a year without hurting myself again, but after my mom passed away from drugs I started again.