Out of Bounds [h.s. au]

Chapter 13

I followed him inside and then he shut the door behind me. The sun had now set so his room was completely dark. He walked to his nightstand and turned on the lamp as I took a seat on the bed. It was unmade, the sheets and blankets a tangled mess.

"Harry, I'm so sorry," I began. "I'm sorry about the picture. It should have occurred to me to put it away."

Harry stood still with his arms crossed beside the nightstand, casting a shadow on the floor. For a moment I thought maybe he was waiting for me to continue, or perhaps he was too angry to say anything. But finally he opened his mouth.

"It's not just about the picture, Tisa," he argued. "When I saw it I was reminded of what's not really mine. That you're taken. That someone else loves you and provides for you. And I was in his house...about to spend the week with his wife. It felt awful."

I gulped. "I thought we agreed it was a little late for that."

"We were in denial."

"Really," I said sarcastically. "Were you in denial when you told me you loved me? Or are you denying it now?"

"I'm not denying my love for you, Tisa," Harry sighed. "I've irrevocably fallen in love with you. But that doesn't mean we should be together."

My body shook. "What are you saying?"

Harry came and sat down next to me on the bed.

"As much as I hate it, we need to stop this now," he said in a low voice.

"No," I shook my head.

"Tisa, it's for the best. You'll continue to live your life with your husband and —"

"No!" I screamed. "I don't want my fucking husband! I want you!"

"Oh, love." Harry lifted his hand to wipe away my tears as one of his own fell down his cheek.

"What do I have to do to change your mind?" I cried. "Tell me, I'll do it."

"Sweetheart," he said as he cupped my face in his hands, "stop trying to please other people. You need to find out what you want."

"I just told you, I want you."

Harry sighed again as he leaned back on the bed, running his fingers through his hair.

"I want you too, Tisa. More than I've ever wanted anyone or anything in my life. But I can't..." his voice trailed off.

"Can't what?"

Harry bit his lip and shut his eyes tight. When he released them I saw tears. I scooted further back on the bed to be closer to him.

"Talk to me, please," I begged as I ran my hand up his tattooed arm.

He took a deep breath and let it out. "For the last few hours I've been in here tossing and turning. My emotions were all over the place. First I was angry, then I was crying. Then I was angry again, but at myself for leaving. I almost called you."

"Why didn't you?" I absent-mindedly began tracing is anchor tattoo.

"Because then I started thinking about how we could make this work. And I got angry again. Because no matter the scenario, there's one truth that keeps it from working."

"What's that?"

"You're not going to divorce him," he said, looking me in the eye.

"Says who?" I asked.

"You did. Or rather, you didn't say anything when I asked."

"You asked if I had a plan," I countered. "I have no plan worked out. I can't just leave, Harry."