Since I posted my story, I feel like my comment section has become like a place where people unload their stories of similar experiences. Putting my story out was the hardest thing to do but now I am thankful.
I've received comments, private or on the comment section from people telling me what they've gone through. Others have just left encouraging and loving words.
EACH comment helped me feel better about myself. After 12 years of silence, I had my lil sister read my story and then i showed it to my sister in law...slowly I'm workin on the courage to tell my brothers and I know that none of it would have been possible without those comments.
For the first time in over a decade I dont feel so dirty, or shamed or like a coward. I feel good about myself because i know that putting my story out has helped others unload and others have helped me see how strong I really am. And then I thought, if one voice had such an effect, I wonder what more people speaking up can accomplish.
Not only for the reader but for the (i hate the word victim, so I will call us survivors because we did just that, we survived) survivor. I want ppl to not feel so alone, I want ppl to unload this burden off their chest and Jackie Stewart gave me permission to make her story the first of what I hope will be many more.
Thank you Jackie for allowing me to do this.
*****
From the age of 6 to 10 my dad came into my room almost every night.
Even though I know it's wrong now, at the time I just thought it was because he wanted to share something special with me. Something that was just for him and I, because I was "daddy's little girl.
Oh god, how I hate those words.
DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL
To me everything that was going on was normal at the time. Until one night I was lying awake with my back towards the wall and he came.
But this time it wasn't for me
It was for my older sister and I just laid their listening to everything that was happening.
After he left the room, I laid there and listened to my sister cry herself to sleep.
The next morning, I took my anger out on her; I thought I was the only one that daddy did those special things to. :(
Later that day, when I was at school I was pulled out of class because my sister finally told someone what had been happening. That was the day my dad went to jail. Yet, instead of telling people what he did to me, I blamed everything on my sister.
I made her life a living hell for taking him away from me.
After a few months my sister left and moved in with my grandparents.
While she was living the high life with my grandparents I had to deal with my drunken mother and all of her boyfriend's. At first it was OK... until I started drinking myself to numb the pain. One night my mom left me alone with my little sister, she was only five at the time. After I finally got her to sleep one of my mom's friends came to check on us.
Little did I know that he was worse than my father.
For two -very long and straight- weeks, he raped me over and over every night.
I wanted to say something but I couldn't, I was scared, because he told me he would hurt my baby sister....
My baby sister, my mom and I... We couldn't loose anyone else. *tears*
After those two very long and painful weeks my mom thought it would be a great idea to send us to my grandparents to visit my older sister. When I told my older sister everything and asked her for her help she told me to go to hell. *more tears*
That's when I finally called the police, both my younger sister and I are put in Foster Care and my mom's friend was sent to jail for four years.
Then I got to go back home again... Until I couldn't take any more of my mom's drinking.
I ran away and ended up being put into a group home. The group home was hell but it was also the place where I met an older girl named Rose phone went through the same things as me, however she lived her life the only way she knew how, by having sex with random guys, using drugs and drinking.
That's when I realized that to help her get over things from the past would also help me. I helped her get away from the life she was used to and in return she helped me by giving me a place to stay until I was ready to go back home and face my fears head on.
Now I have kids of my own and I cant let guys get close to them out of fear that it could happen to them....
****
Not everyone has the same story but I hope that if you cant relate to mine, you can relate to anothers and maybe that will keep you from feeling so alone. Jackie told her story for the first time in 18 years in hopes that her story helps others get through the pain of their experiences.
If you'd like me to retell yours, Private msg me and you can always choose to keep it anonymous.
Aryana
