My gaze focuses on her small feet encased in their moccasins. I'm not scared of that, not now because even though I realised Av stuck by people she likes I never comprehended just how much she was like that. I wonder what her limit would be, when she would save herself? What she would do for Harry, or D? Her family?
I look up at her, waiting. Warm blue eyes assessing. I breathe out. "No, I'm not worried about that. Look at me, sugar. What more could a girl want." I pull a crazy face and indicate the blood covering my torso like I'm a prize on a game show shelf. She scrunches her nose up before laughing. " It's just that I've just realised that you're the boof here. Not me."
Av unscrews the lid of the huge bottle of antiseptic making it into a very threatening act. "So he did scramble your brain. I wonder if pouring this in your ear would help that problem. Let's seeeeee now..."
"I'm not joking Av." I say pushing myself up to tower over her, anger biting at me. "Come on! You saw me! You can't be seriously shrugging the whole thing off. You saw who I am. Saw what I'm capable of. Don't make it like its nothing!"
I don't know whats come over me. I want her like nothing else but I'm terrified of what that means. I'm terrified of her leaving my life but I'm so goddamn scared I'll hurt her that I want her to walk away so I never have to live with myself when I do.
"Settle Petal." She scoffs, aggravating my anger more with her dismissal. "I saw you, you're an unreal fighter," she swishes the bottle impatiently wanting me to turn to drench my torn up back.
"That's not what I mean," I growl and even to me it sounds menacing. I'm agro, I'm agro I can't get more tattoos, I'm agro that I might be going to jail and missing her... that it's hard to stop thinking and acting selfishly.
"Righto then," she tutts.
I frown as she screws the top back on the bottle and pushes it in to my hands. "Even though you have seen me do... errr stuff. Like you know, cutting off an ear or whatever. You still think your the heinous one. Have it your way. You won't give up this crap until it's done. It's going to plague you until you know what it feels like. You deserve happiness, Noah. I hope you find it."
She lets out a deep breath then turns and just starts walking off. My heart thuds in my chest when she doesn't turn back, doesn't look around.
You're doing the right thing, she'll only hurt you in the end... or you'll hurt her. My Father's voice croons in my pounding skull.
I start to tremble.
When her form disappears into the darkness and appears further down the road, tiny, under a flickering street light, still walking, not looking back, I totally freak. I don't want it, she's right. I desperately need her in my life. But does she need me? It's now or never. I could let her go now and know that I will never hurt her. Never turn on her if she touches me unexpectedly.
The blurry image of my mother's lifeless body strains against the prison walls I've kept it in. Avalon;s face replaces hers. I shudder and swallow hard. I can't hurt her.
I can't.
She's turned the tables on me. I'm not worried about her touching me or hurting me, like my Father said. I realise I've been worried about me hurting her. I stand up to chase her down and my Dad's words pelt at me.
Relentlessly.
each step I hear his voice, telling me to stop. Telling me what women are. Telling me what my mother was.
My feet move along the tar after her but they feel like they way a ton, my Father's words constantly jarring against my skull but my feet keep moving and finally I realise I'm beating them. I'm beating the fear that he instilled in me about women. He was wrong. Not all are like he said they were.
An imagine of my Mum appears again and the pain hits me. My body shakes with the internal pain that I never have let loose. Why Dad? I fight to contain it focusing on Avalon, forcing my legs to break in to a run to find her.
I can hear her before I see her, softly illuminated in the a half solar light near someones driveway. Her voice seems tired and faded. Very unlike her. Like a candle burning low.
She's nodding into the phone, her face serious beneath the war paint. Her eyes are closed. One arm is wrapped around her body like she's holding herself up. Together.
Avalon runs that hand over her face as she listens to whoever is talking on the phone. I sit next to her I can hear a male voice, low, deep and angry. Chastising. A growl slips through my thin lips.
She turns to me and gives me a cheeky smile.
"Ah" She mouths. "Do I have your keys or something?"
I send her a deadpan look. Smart arse.
"Is everything alright?" I whisper, forgetting everything but the fleeting sadness that flashes in her eyes. And the cause of it. I eye the phone through narrowed slits.
She nods once looking away, fingers picking at the grass next to her.
I touch her on the shoulder and gesture for the phone, ready to let whoever have it. She shakes her head and mouths "Dad".
"I'm sorry Dad. For Henry, for... for everything." Her voice is unlike anything I would ever expect to come out of her mouth, she sounds almost defeated. She sounds young. Vulnerable. Like she's had enough.
I pull her into my lap, wanting to protect her, happy that she doesn't resist even though I'm bloody. Her soft hair smells like hay, horse, smoke and blood.
The conversation goes on one sided for a few more seconds before she hangs up.
Before I can talk she looks up at me, "Ah huh. Since I don't have your keys it seems you don't want me to go after all mmm hmmm? So how about we just shut up about it. I see you, Noah Reed. I know something terrible happened to you. I know you carry a lot of crap around that someday you'll talk to me about. It's all good. I choose you."
I maneuver her to slide up one side of my shorts to reveal her bikini top tied around my thigh, slowly I untie it. I hold it in my hand, staring at it. I'm supposed to be strong, a tank of coldness and rage. But that little piece of fabric derails me in the most catastrophic ways.
"My father murdered my mum and then killed himself. I found them." The words feel dry and brittle like they would break if someone made a movement in the air. I didn't mean to say that. I meant to say something witty, to move away from this topic altogether. The topic that no one has ever been able to make me face... to talk about... to relive.
I don't know what to expect from her. Horror or pity maybe. Both unwelcome and I tense waiting. Instead, I'm embraced. My arms tighten around her and I feel supported. Warm tears sting my chest. She's crying for me. Someone is crying for me. Not trying to get me to talk about it. Not trying to get me to tell them why. Not for the horror of it. Just crying for me.
"My Mum... he- he cut her heart out, Av. It was in his hand. He wanted to rip her heart out like she did to him. Her eyes..." It's like someone else is talking. Someone else is babbling. It's not me, it can't be. To hear it out loud makes it real. Makes me feel everything I had never let out. Tears pour down my face as I let the scene explode in my head.
A/N - just a shortie - getting back into writing after time off is hard lol
Poor Noah... :( I cried when I wrote this...
Av's pov is next.
Chapter 8 - Overflow
Start from the beginning
