Fatal Trust

Chapter 13

I sit on the ground crying and holding my knife in a death grip. I want to do it now. Nothing is keeping me attached any more so all I have to do is simply turn the knife against me a press down. I know how sharp it is. It will pierce my skin with barely any effort on my part. I just have to do it.

Chloe squirms in my arms tying to comfort me but really she is just making it worse. She is the only one who really knows me. The real me not the person that everyone sees me as. I confided in her when my family fell apart in front of my eyes. She whines and I cry harder. I can't do this anymore. I'm done. I resign. I quit. Let it be over.

Logan seems to know exactly what I am thinking because he drops down onto the ground and wrestles the knife from my grasp.

" Give it back, " I whimper in between sobs.

" No, " he says simply, as if him saying that will do anything to change my mind.

" Then kill me, " I whisper, so quietly that I didn't think he heard me. But of course he did.

" No, don't even think like that. You have plenty to live for, " he states. Boy, if only you knew.

" No I don't. Nobody cares about me, " I say, wincing as my voice cracks on that last word.

" Plenty of people care about you. You have Nelli and your family. Shoot, Pen, you have me, " he says, running a hand through is hair, " I am so whipped it doesn't even seem real. "

" Nelli maybe, but you? Please, you don't care and you never did. In fact you never will, no matter what you say your games won't work on me this time. And my family? They don't care the slightest. Jake doesn't even live in the house anymore he camps out at the park or crashes at his friend's house. Dad has been on anti-depressents for at least four years. He doesn't even remember my name at this point, let alone the fact that I'm his daughter. Mom? She sleeps with my boss for crying out loud! She never spends the night at our house in fact she is rarely there in the day even. Heaven forbid she leave her so called beloved. I can't even remember the number of times I have caught them in his office. She claims she is just working and tracking care of business. But that is some business she seems to be running. If they care they sure don't show it. So don't even go down that road. Nobody is there for me. Nobody ever was, " I say exasperatly. I wipe the tears from my face and continue. " Everything I have ever done has been this huge act. I am not that happy go-lucky girl people see me as. Nope I am the complete opposite in fact so what's the point? The truth is there isn't one. There is nothing to strive for anymore. In fact there never really was. That time I was in the hospital for a week was because of a car accident. It was because I screwed up and I got caught on one of the few times Jake actually came home. I was there because paramedics were too quick to respond to my over dose of Dad's anti-depressents. After that I didn't think I would actually attempt it again it was more like this saftey net I knew I had. The minute those pills were in my hand I was terrified but I did it hoping that someone would find me, care enough to do something and stick around in the aftermath. Did that happen? Nope. Jake just continued to ignore me he didn't even visit me in the hospital. The only people who came were you and Nelli. But you were just acting. " I stop there I can't continue. I am done confessing. There is nothing left to me now. I am just another human wandering aimlessly around on Earth.

" Penelope... I'm sorry that you were dealt a bad card but please believe me when I say that wasn't an act. I'll do anything to convince you. Heck, I'll die ten times over for you. I care about you and I can garentee you that Nelli does too, " he says as he places his hands on the side of my face. Every instinct I have is screaming at me to pull away from him, but I can't bring myself to do so. " Please forgive me... I am trying to fix it. I really am. "  I look at him and see his blue gray eyes staring back at me so intently that for a instant I believe him with all of my heart. But that instant ends quickly.

" I... I can't, " I whisper. He looks so pained that I can't help but grimace as I look down at the ground. He tilts my chin up and before I can protest he kisses me...hard. And with such fierceness that I don't have it in me to not kiss him back. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. Even if it was an act he still was there. And just having someone there with me helped more than you could ever imagine. His hands wrap around my waist and pull me closer. I wrap one arm around him and keep the other securely around Chloe. I grab a fistful of his shirt and hold onto it like my life depends on it. Even though it kind of does.

He pulls away, leaving me breathless and wanting more.

" I'm sorry I had to do that at least one more time, " he whispers. I don't say anything, instead I just lay my head against his chest.

" Its okay, " I murmur. Wanting to do nothing more than fall asleep in his arms. He stands up.

" We should go, " he says. I nod and take his hand allowing him to pull me up. I sway on my feet slightly, before collapsing against him.

" Logan, " I murmur, " I think I need to sleep. " His eyes widen.

" Shoot, I completely forgot about what they did to you. Listen I know you want to sleep, but I need you to stay awake, okay? " he asks frantically. My eyelids feel so heavy.

" I don't think I can, " I whisper. My body is practically on its knees begging for me to surrender to sleep.

" Okay fine, I can carry you until we reach Nelli. But once we have her your going to have to run and get the heck out of here. I will carry Nelli out, since she propbaly isn't as strong as you due to her lack of training, " he says. I nod and reach my arm up like a two year old who wants to be held. He smirks a scoops me into his arms. I tighten my grip slightly on Chloe and wrap the other arm around his neck to steady myself. I bury my fingers in his hair on instinct and rest my head on his shoulder.

I breathe in his scent. He smells like that Tim Magraw colone I told him I loved and... well... like home. Then I doze off.