Not Just Gay

Romantic vs Sexual Attraction

One thing that is quite fairly common knowledge is that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are different things, but in most situations we view sexual and romantic attraction almost as a binary, with either you do or you don't mentalities and total ignorance of scales of attraction.

Romantic and sexual attraction are highly individual, and can have very different understandings and meanings varying from person to person, and largely depending on context. In books, we often see a binary or traditional understanding of romance and sexuality, and while these are fine and okay, it's always good to use literature and books as a chance to explore the different and complex forms of how sexuality and romance work.

The "norm" sexuality is often straight, heterosexual. The "other" is often sexual and romantic attraction to the same assigned sex; gay, lesbian or homosexual. The problem with this binary is it causes a lot of issues, like bi and pan erasure, like the complete and utter invalidation of people who lack sexual and/or romantic attraction.

When writers often write about the "other", they have the habit of explaining or justifying these romantic or sexual attraction in heteronormative categories. The just like us argument is often used, and while we're all like each other, "other" sexualities and romantic attractions often differ from the "norm" because they've allowed to explore sexuality and romantic attractions while most "norm" sexual and romantic attractions are told by society to heave and feel certain ways. Often times a writer will make excuses and compare to "norm" situations, and while this is how some people might express their romantic and sexual attraction, it's always good to remember that not everybody does and therefore your writing doesn't have to either.

Lastly, as a writer writing about sexually as romantically diverse characters, you don't have to justify. Nobody ever needs to justify their sexual or romantic attractions and desires, and as a writer of these diverse aspects, don't ever feel like you need to defend your character. They are diverse, and that is beautiful, and hopefully your readers will see that too.

For this round, we've a poem, a recommended personal story and a disclaimer:

The following book and recommended story mainly deal with asexuality. Please note that this is not the only diverse romantic or sexual attraction, but one of the many few.