Slow It Down

Part 6 •REWRITTEN•

And worse than the anger—the hurt.

I sarcastically thanked karma that night for playing a cruel joke on me, reminding me that I will never have an easy going, fun life, no matter how hard I try to.

The sound of Kayce's voice pulls me from my thoughts.

"Are you sure you're feeling better? You could always wait until tomorrow to start," he asks, eyeing me skeptically for what feels like the tenth time this morning.

"I'll be fine," I tell him, adjusting the strap of my bag on my shoulder. "It's already bad enough being one of the new freshmen. The last thing I need is to show up a day late and be the only new student walking into class."

Kayce still doesn't look convinced, but before he can argue, Natalie speaks up.

"Yeah, I don't think she needs any extra undivided attention." Her words hold more meaning than what's being said, and we all know it based on the looks we have as we glance around at each other.

I inhale sharply, counting down from five before exhaling slowly, trying to push away the anxiety pressing against my ribs. It's a habit I started when things got bad at school. Something to keep myself in control. Something to keep myself from spiraling.

It works. Most of the time.

I try to not dwell on my past, including him, for the next few minutes as we continue to walk. We turn the corner, the campus coming into full view, and for the first time since we left the apartment, my legs lock up as I look ahead at the overwhelmingly large campus.

Kayce and Natalie stop a few steps ahead of me, turning back when they realize I've frozen in place.

Kayce sighs, then walks over and heavily throws an arm around my shoulders, the weight of him nearly knocking me off balance. "Hey, you know while I'm around, nothing's gonna happen. I have a reputation here. No one's gonna mess with you. You're not alone anymore."

His voice is confident, reassuring. But my chest still feels tight.

I'm not in Virginia anymore. I'm eight hours away from everything I knew. Everything I went through. But one small part of my past, named Jackson, is here. And that realization unsettles me more than I want to admit.

"Yeah," Natalie suddenly adds. "And I won't hesitate to fuck a bitch up." Her voice is loud, and several people glance in our direction—some with curiosity, others with mild irritation. I sigh, shaking my head, trying to fight back a small smile. As much as I appreciate her, she has no concept of subtlety.

Kayce gives me a final squeeze before pulling away, and my body tenses at the loss of warmth.

"I'll meet you back here at the end of the day, okay?" he says.

I nod, swallowing hard, as I watch my brother casually stroll across campus and towards his class.

The campus feels massive. Too many people. Too many unknown faces. I feel like a little kid on her first day of school, clinging to her older brother for safety.

But I'm not a kid. I can do this.

I glance at Natalie, knowing I unfortunately won't have her by my side for long. She's majoring in psychology while I'm majoring in creative writing. Our schedules barely align, except for a few breaks in between. She wants to be a psychologist. I just want to escape reality and write.

That's the biggest difference between us. Natalie likes people. She likes talking about feelings, analyzing emotions, understanding others.

I hate talking about my feelings. I hate being around people unless it's necessary.