The Nature of Love

Chapter 19

 Copyright (c) 2015 Phyllis Zimbler Miller

All rights reserved.

The trustees of the Social Security System said in their annual report that tax hikes enacted in late 1977 had restored financial health to the system. -- May 16, 1978

Jennifer's Story

1978

     "The mourners will now rise," announces the rabbi.

     I stand with my mother, my changed status marked by the black mourning ribbon on my breast. It is now Shabbat. The official week of mourning, shiva, following the funeral is put on hold for the Sabbath. Mourners leave the home where they are "sitting shiva" and come to the synagogue, where they recite Kaddish, the prayer for the dead, during services.

     After reciting the prayer I sit next to Laura. She squeezes my hand.

     Last night after Friday night services we sat together in my childhood bedroom. The girls were sound asleep in the guest bedroom down the hall. Laura was staying with her parents a few blocks away.

     "That bastard! He couldn't even stay one night. He had to get back to his lab right after the funeral."

     "Jennifer, Jennifer," Laura said, rocking me in her arms. "You have to let go. You have to give up the feeling of your life revolving around men. You have to take responsibility for yourself."

     Now as the rabbi gives his sermon on the Torah portion of the week, my mind wanders. I have such wonderful memories of my father. Not that he was perfect. He was quick to yell, then quick to apologize. Often he was too busy with his business to come see me in school plays or volleyball games. But when it counted, when I needed him, he was there for me. Rooting for me. Believing in me. Proud of me.

     Steve's only there for himself. He's always been self-centered. If I hadn't been so foolish I could have realized that from my first encounter with him. Thinking I purposely backed into him! The universe revolving around Steve Silberman.

     With my father dead I have no man who loves me unconditionally, no matter what I do. I can't bear that I'll never have such love from a man again. There must be some man who can love me as much as my father did.

***

     "Jennifer, are you done sorting those papers yet? Your mother wants you," Laura says. She's found me kneeling on the floor in my father's study at the back of the house.

     I don't answer.

     Laura drops to her knees. "What's wrong?"

     I shove a letter, the notepaper yellow, towards Laura. "Read it," I whisper. "Out loud."

Dear Sylvie,

     My dear, how silly of you to feel that you couldn't tell me in person your "deep dark secret." To have been married at age 19 for a brief time is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone makes mistakes. How much better to have realized your error early on and been brave enough to correct it. And please do not worry about not being a virgin on our wedding night. Your love means more to me than anything in the world.

     I am counting the days until I return.

Yours forever,

Harvey

     "I didn't know," I say. "They never told me. Even my aunt and uncle never hinted."

     "Why should they?" Laura asks. She sits beside me on the sofa. "It's something that happened before your parents were married, before you were born. And from everything I saw, your parents were happily married for almost 40 years."

     "I just feel so strange. I can't explain." Or won't? "It's as if my father left me a message."

     I hesitate before continuing.

     "My father's death has freed me somehow. I've finally found the courage to divorce Steve."

__

If you would also like to read women's fiction that takes place in the future rather than the past, check out THE MOTHER SIEGE here on Wattpad at http://budurl.com/MSintro