First at Last (Updated Version)

Chapter Twenty-Three

"Shall we go, then?" Mother asked, breaking the awkward silence that seemed to settle over the room.

We walked out to the carriage where Walter waited to drive us to the ball. When we had all settled into the crapped space, Mother began speaking. She hardly seemed to take a breath for the entire ride to the palace. She chatted eagerly about the wedding and about Prince William and what was to transpire this evening.

No one else had anything to say, or had time to speak between Mother's short pauses, where she took a breath. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought she was nervous. But, of course, I did know better.

The carriage ride seemed to drag on for an unbearably long time. When we finally arrived, it was a relief to be able to get out and away from Mother, if only for a couple moments. We were announced as we entered the ballroom, and everyone turned to watch Alice descend the stairs. It felt very much like a fairy tail. Though, more like I was an ugly stepsister and not the main character.

I ducked out of the way, hurrying down the stairs and to a corner, where I could watch the festivities alone.

The room was very extravagantly decorated, with polished marble statues that I was very certain had not been there before, a large candlelit chandelier where strings of diamonds dangled, twinkling in the light. Men and women were dressed in finest attire, dancing merrily to the music being played by the quartet. The king and queen sat on their thrones on the raised dais, as usual. Though, I could not help but notice that William was not on the dais with his parents. I scanned the room but I did not see him anywhere.

It would not belong before I would have to stand before these people and give my speech. I would have to tell them how pleased I was that my sister was marrying Prince William, how happy Alice was to be marrying him. Both statements were false.

My mouth felt dry and chalky at the thoughts swimming around my head. My palms were so sweaty that I kept wiping them on my dress, but it did not seem to do much.

I saw Alice, surrounded by a group of handsome suitors, all vying for only a moment of her attention. She smiled and spoke with one of them: a handsome blond, his muscles bulging under his green doublet.

"Erika," A voice said from beside me.

I stiffened in surprise, having not even notice anyone approach.

I turned to William and curtsied. "Good evening, Your Highness," I murmured, forcing myself to meet his eyes. They were shockingly blue and so beautiful.

The corner of his mouth lifted up in a small smile. Even that gesture sent my heart racing. "You look beautiful," he murmured, his eyes never leaving mine.

My face flushed at the compliment and my heart stumbled in my chest. I looked away, silently scolding myself for allowing him to have such an affect on me. He was not mine, nor would he ever be.

His smile faltered and he looked away quickly. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice strained. "I wish . . . I want to marry you."

My stomach knotted and I blinked back the burning in my eyes. "I would have liked that very much. But the choice has been made. I think it would be wise if we were not seen talking to each other."

While it might have been true from the social aspect, the gossip it might create, I said it more because I could not keep up the facade much longer. I worried I would fall apart if we continued talking.

He exhaled slowly, nodding. "Of course," he said. "My apologies for engaging you." He bowed and stepped away.

I swallowed, my throat aching, as I watched his retreating figure vanish into the midst of the crowd.

#

Before long, King Henry stood from his throne. Immediately, the music stopped and the guests fell silent, everyone waiting to hear their sovereign speak.

"Thank you all for attending such a momentous event: the engagement ball of my son, Prince William Kinsley, and Lady Alice Lovet of Locksley." He began, his voice reverberating off the walls, heard in every corner of the room. No one made a sound as the king continued to speak about the union between William and Alice, how they were meant to be, how Alice would make a wonderful princess and then a wonderful queen.

Once he had finished, everyone in the room cheered loudly. His speech had riled them up, given them hopes and expectations for the future, for what was to come. With each word that passed from his lips, my heart felt heavier and heavier, and, by the time he had finished speaking, I felt as though I could crash through the marble floor with the weight of my misery.

And then his eyes fell on me, even with the hundreds of people around me. He smiled, but it was a cold, menacing smile.

I gritted my teeth and glared back at him. What an awful person.

"Alice's younger sister, Erika Lovet, has requested to give a speech. I am sure she will have only good things to say about them." His eyes flashed when they met mine. A threat. Only good things to say.

I made my way toward the king, and the walk felt like it lasted an eternity. The men and women stepped back so that I could get through. I could feel all their eyes on me, the weight of their stares propelling me forward. The silence in the room was deafening. My own footsteps echoed too loudly in my ears as I strode forward.

The dais seemed to be getting further and further away with each step I took. My palms were sweating once more and shaking horribly. It was unbearably warm in the room, but I felt cold all over. Nerves. Only nerves. I would survive. I would say a very, very short few words about their marriage, try not to choke on them as I said them, and then it would all be over. As I approached the dais, my heart began to pound harder, my breath turning ragged as real panic set in. The room began spinning around me, black dots dancing before my eyes. My bodice was too tight and did not allow for my unreasonable anxieties. And then I tripped. And I was falling . . . falling . . .

I hit the ground and was swallowed by darkness.