Bipolar Bianca

Therapist HELP

05/13 : Manic... excessive cleaning, & getting angry and annoyed at people's breathing, the way they talk, can't sit still.

5/14: I may be manic I may not be. But I know I didn't sleep until 6am and had to be up @7:30 am and it's now 8:54 and I'm not sleeping for a job I have to do at 11😅
Update: did not sleep all day.

5/18 very very sad/happy manic/but sad. Breathing voices are pissing me off. I am at a hotel right now and I want to just jump in the pool. I can not seem to like anything as I type this I want to cry, chest hurts and I feel like beating the shit out of someone or doing something drastic like walking to a gas station in the middle of beckley at 2:08. Please help. Feel like a failure. I want to rip my heart  out of my chest but I also want to swim.

5/21 I am definitely manic, I did my makeup @5am I can't seem to sleep, and idk if working 13 hours Saturday and then 16 on Sunday caused this or what. But here I am just my brain and me doing 10384827372 things at a time. Anywho I wanna run. Like Forrest Gump. I feel like my body is stretching if that makes any sense and I feel like I just need to move around

5/23 My kitten died.

5/24 I worked so hard to keep him alive and I blame myself. What if I hadn't left for Walmart. I can't quite wrap my head around the fact that 4 days ago I thought he was going to die. He was worse off 4 days ago than yesterday. Everything started looking up. Before I left, I cleaned his face, and fed him, he used the restroom and then hopped into the window and sun bathed. I came back and I went into the bedroom and he wasn't there, and I thought to myself that it was weird. I went into the kitchen to see if maybe he was sunbathing and there he was.. dead. cold. hard.  I cried. I cried for hours. I have work today. at 4pm. I can't stop crying. 

5/25. its Saturday. im working a 16hr shift. tomorrow too. I guess im going to work until I can't. my uncle this morning said "Get over it, it's a cat." I hate myself.