See You Never

09

—Beginning—

"You did great, it's fine!"

Astrid and I were here at the back stage, tapos na ang competition namin at natalo kami ng kasama ko. Inis na inis ako dahil hindi ako nanalo, ito ang first time ko! Kaya ko naman iyon mag isa, eh. Bakit ko ba kasi two participants pa ang kailangan. Si aubrey ang may kasalanan dito! I rolled my eyes at her before getting my things, hindi ko pa rin tanggap ang nangyari!

"You are not my parents, astrid." Mahinang sabi ko at patuloy na naglakad palabas. "For them, this is not fine." I emphasize.

Tahimik siya hanggang makarating kami sa parking lot, ganoon din ako. I am very disappointed in myself. Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng ganito, mabigat, sobrang bigat sa pakiramdam. Para bang pasan pasan ko ang lahat ng problema sa mundo.

After a long silence, she began talking. "I may not be your parents, but I am someone who values all that you do, who applaud your victories."

I let out a heavy sigh. I wish my parents were like her, someone who appreciates me, who accepts me without judgment, and who values me for who I am. I can't stop thinking about this, do other parents put the same pressure on their children? Do they also have the same expectations for their daughters to be perfect like mine did? Or were my parents just so cruel?

The question kept bugging me until astrid called my name, letting me know we were already outside our mansion. Since my car was still with kian, I had to call her to pick me up. When I walked into the house, it was eerily quiet. My parents weren't at the dining table but were sitting in my old room, which totally caught me off guard.

"How's the competition?" My dad asked.

I swallowed hard. "I won..." I lied.

"Liar!" Sinampal ako ni daddy. "When did you start lying, huh?! Is that what you picked up at the party?! You really think I wouldn't find out you were drinking instead of studying? You shitty liar! Look at what all that partying did to you, made you dumb! It's the reason you messed up in the competition!" He was about to hit me but mom stopped him.

"Muel, I will handle her." My mom calmly said as my dad left. She turned to me. "I believe you're capable of more than this. It's fine to have fun, but remember, everything has its limits. But fun shouldn't affect with anything positive or worthwhile..."

"I tried." My voice broke. "I swear, I tried everything I could..." I cried.

"Then do better next time." She gave me a small smile.

"That's all I could do" Mas lalo akong naiyak. "And I achieved it all without any help from you or dad... and that's the limit of what I could accomplish. I couldn't do better because I gave it my all."

"Because you can do it on your own—"

"I can't!" I cut her off. "You pushed me to do things on my own that you thought I could handle, but the reality is, I couldn't..."

"That's a part of growing—"

"Yeah, that's right! Growing up means learning, working things out... but it doesn't mean losing your parents' love. I needed your help! I needed a mother! I was struggling... I was lost, trying to figure things out on my own!" Sigaw ko.

"Pinalaki kita para maging independent, so you could support yourself... I taught you how to not rely on anyone's help." Kalmadong sabi niya.

"It was your responsibility to support your child, to support me!" Inis na sigaw ko. "You pushed me to live life my way... You thought I could always manage on my own, but I... I also need help... I felt miserable trying to live up to your expectations..." I can hardly breathe.