I have been thinking about mom a lot lately - and I don't know why. dad says it's because I'm really getting used to things the way they are. But I don't tell my dad a whole lot of things going on in my head so I don't think he can make a judgement like that. I don't think like him - he always tries too hard and has to make things better. I think of how things can get worse. I wonder if this is a bad thing because I think everything can always get worse. I only started doing this a little while after my mom died. Whenever something good happened, I didn't enjoy it because my focus was how it could be ruined. I don't know why I do that, but it works for me. Anyway, I'm supposed to 'do what feels right.' Sometimes I think my dad just fills me with inspirational garbage. Quotes and crap like that. Stories about him taking me to gardens with mom and when I broke the old TV. None of that really matters to me anymore, but it must matter to dad. He talks about that kind of thing a lot. He is one of those people who remembers the past by pretending he is in it.
