My Summer Romance | Graham Coxon

7: Under The Stars

Graham-

I panic and take big and fast steps towards whatever direction I suppose the exit is in. Forget about the picnic mat, we have to go home before dawn. We can't get stuck here in the dark, we must find the way we came from.

"I shouldn't have followed you! I should've stayed back!" yells y/n.

i sigh and continue to walk, "I never told you to follow me!"

"I followed because I was worried-"

Is y/n being nice for once?

"That you'd scream your head off after seeing a little bug or something-" She completes her sentence.

Never mind.

I stop and turn around to look at her, "I am not scared of bugs for god's sake-"

I roll my eyes.

"And you are an idiot for following me y/n, if you had stayed back you'd probably be calling for help right now. You would've called my mum and she-"

Y/n is holding something in her hand and she has a mischievous smile sitting on her face. She puts whatever she's holding down my shirt while I'm talking, I feel something sharp against my skin so i jump back and freak out.

"It's bugs!" She grins and throws her head back to laugh.

"Wha- what!?" I almost take off my t shirt but before I can do that she reveals that,

"It's leaves!"

I stand their defeated with my hands on my hips. Fuck me. Y/n finds this hilarious and she can't stop laughing so much so that she loses her balance and lands on something on the ground. She sits down.

And I am shocked. I see the picnic mat below her. I sit down as well.

"We found it! The mat!"

This is the silver lining.

She nods, "That's lovely Graham but we still haven't found the way back!"

She's right. We haven't found the way back and it's getting darker and darker. My mum must be worried. I mean with what happened that day at summer camp- it really worried her. She doesn't even let me out anywhere anymore and currently I am lost in the woods past evening time.

And I don't know the way back. Will we be able to go home tonight or will I show up tomorrow at the doorstep to my very worried mum? Her heart can't take this.

Shit, my heart can't take this either. I feel it racing, I feel like I am falling without a parachute. I have no control and there's so much uncertainty in this night and in life too. I hate it.

Then suddenly I feel y/n gently pressing my shoulder to get my attention, "Graham, are you okay?"

She must've noticed me go quiet.

"Yeah-" I nod as I feel tears streaming down my cheeks.

Of course she knows my answer is bullshit, "You are not okay. Tell me what happened!" She demands.

"I can't it's- !" I say.

She scoffs, "Just say it!"

I reply, "You won't understand!"

"Then make me understand! Just say it Graham! What's been bothering you? Why have you been so quiet and gloomy! Please tell me!"

She goes on and on, explaining how my behavior has been odd and concerning.

"You don-t know how it feel-s to lose someone you lov-e! It's like betrayal almost.." I choke on my tears. Everything goes back to my dad.

There's a moment of silence before she places her hand on mine, "Why do you think that? You know I lost my brother to suicide." she squeezes it.

I share a look with her, "I am sorr-y"

She gives me a small smile and lights up a cigarette. She inhales the smoke and exhales out the cig blaze to watch it raze into the sky, she offers me one as well and I take it.

"Once that person in your life is gone, it feels empty as if there's a hole in your life now and you don't know how to fill it." She holds the cig between her fingers and puts it on her full lips before inhaling and exhaling again.

I do the same, "And you can never fill that hole. You just have to learn how to live with it and I haven't learnt that-"

"Maybe I have well sort of. " She replies.

"And you can't help but blame yourself for everything. " She continues.

I now, "I know! The guilt and the insecurity was the thing that made me start self harming!" I blurt out.

"Graham, my brother Ivan he was only 17 and there wasn't even a goodbye note you know- that made me think a lot and all my thoughts told me that I was to blame but I am telling you honestly that blaming yourself doesn't lead to anything good. You can't bring back a person by blaming yourself." She explains.

"Funny that my dad is still alive but he never calls and I never got a goodbye either.." I add on.

I share a look with y/n and we're both teary eyed. We just hug each other tightly and never let go.

I nod and take in her features embedded behind the cigarette smoke. I've never seen this side of y/n.

Deep within this forest, under the stars we're just here lost physically and mentally while exchanging our deepest secrets.

Y/N-

I feel his body against mine as we both hug each other and share the pain. All I can hear is Graham lightly sobbing and the bugs of the night making a noise in the bushes. It is so dark, I can barely see. The moon is our only source of light.

I break off the hug and look at Graham. His shake-y and flustered gaze travels down to my lips and my hands are wrapped around his neck which is sculpted but also delicate.

I feel something is going to happen.

I see Graham close his eyes, I do the same and we lean in but suddenly all of that is interrupted because of a loud thunder crashing through the sky. I look up and it starts raining heavily.

"Oh god-" Mumbles Graham. I almost didn't hear him because of the loud rain drops hitting the ground.

I crack open one of the beers, "Here this will help-"

"It's summer season! For gods sake! " Graham sips from the beer and states that in a grumpy tone.

"I guess our stories were so sad that it messed up the weather." I joke and get a laugh from Graham.

We click the beer cans and say cheers. Though, it's not the only alcohol we drink, we get through all the bottles and that's when the night ends as we pass out in the middle of the woods.