Never You (Penelope/Colin)

Part 10

Colin awoke with a start. His body was covered in sweat, his heart drumming in his chest. Complete darkness surrounded his bedchamber, exacerbating his jittery nerves. After taking a minute to settle his mind, he lit the candle next to his bed, slid off the bed and put on a shirt and trousers over his naked form. Desperate for some air, he walked out of the chamber, silently making his way along the extended hallway and down the staircase before grabbing his coat to head out to the gardens. The air outside was cool and crisp, exactly what he needed to soothe his frayed mind from the cursed nightmares that had been torturing him.

Since his last conversation with Penelope a week ago, he'd been haunted by dreams of her with other men. The first couple of nights his subconscious mind had conjured up the most horrific images of faceless men fucking Penelope. His Penelope. However, the nightmares from the past three nights had been far worse. Because it was no longer just visions of Penelope being seduced. No. The night before last he had dreamt of her marrying a faceless prick in the church. Last night Benedict painted her nude form while she fed his brother cake in return. And tonight was the fucking worst. Fife – Fife! – had his arm around Penelope, hugging her, holding her, while the two danced and laughed together. Just the thought of it made him want to stab Fife repeatedly, his hand instinctively forming a fist.

Images of her with all these other men elicited such a visceral reaction in him that he spent most of the week in bed, feeling sick to his stomach. But enough was enough.

He came to a stop at the farthest edge of the Bridgerton garden, bringing him in close proximity of the Featherington property. Leaning against a tree, he watched the building in front of him. The mansion was dark, it appeared everyone was asleep. Penelope's bedroom wrapped around the northwest corner of the property, allowing him viewing access to the front window. The one and only time he had snuck into her room he had used the window on the west corner, so he wouldn't be visible to others on the street. Right away his mind rushed to that night, the memories ingrained into his brain. The feel of her sweet, luscious body, the way she moaned his name as she touched herself, his cock sliding along her magnificent tits – fuck! Colin shook his head. Stop. He had to stop. Because he couldn't fucking think when he was caught up in those sensations.

Anger surged through him as his eyes trailed back up to Penelope's bedroom. The windows were closed, the room dark. She was probably sleeping without a care in the world while he hadn't experienced a single moment of peace in weeks. The nightmares may have started recently but Pen had been weighing heavily in his mind ever since the Danbury ball. That was the night she had lambasted him about his unfortunate words from last season, and consequently his world had shifted on its axis. Of course he didn't fault Pen; she had every right to be furious with him. After playing the hero for the Featherington ladies he had been full of himself and celebrated with one too many drinks. Foxed out of his mind, he grew increasingly irritated by Fife's taunts and decided to shut him down. Unfortunately his ego stroke came at the expense of Penelope. There were no excuse for his behaviour. He was an ass and deserved the tongue lashing, but what took him by surprise was how seductive Penelope's rage had been. Dressed like a siren, the Penelope in front of him had been a fiery, intoxicating goddess and not the shy, sweet girl he grew up with. It was the first time she had revealed herself to him truly, and from that day on he was completely transfixed.

He inhaled a cold, deep breath as Penelope's secret engagement flashed through his mind. She was engaged. Engaged. To another man. A man who was allowed to touch her and fuck her, hold her, comfort her, sleep beside her. She would marry this man and bear his children. She would take his name and build a life with him. Smile with him. Laugh with him. Love him.

Nausea hit him like a tidal wave. He bent over to retch, his body trying to expel all thoughts of Penelope with another man out of his physical form – but nothing came out. He dry heaved instead. Ironic. Even when she was making him sick, his body didn't want to give her up. After a few more attempts, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before walking forward and crossing over to Featherington property. No doubt if someone were to see him now they would think him crazy but Colin didn't care. He couldn't go back to sleep, he needed to be close to her.