Heart on Fire

Chapter 5 : Elosie

Eloise

The heaviness of Sebastian's confession still lingers in the air the next morning. After his confession we sat in silence for half an hour holding onto each other. The ice that surrounded my heart for the past six years began to melt after we talked. But it's still hard to completely trust Sebastian.

He asked about Morgan, what she was like, what her likes and dislikes were. I allowed him to see her from the doorway of her room. When he laid eyes on her I thought he was going to pass out. His knees buckled but he caught himself on the doorframe. I watched as almost every emotion flickered behind his azul eyes. Anger, sadness, regret, and fear.

Before he left last night he asked to meet her but I suggested we wait a little longer. I could see his heart break at the suggestion but this is a delicate situation and something I cannot just throw Morgan in. It's been her and I since she was born, she hasn't really gotten to the point about asking about who her dad is. She has great father figures in her life already such as my dad and Chris. I have no intentions of keeping her from him longer than necessary. But I do plan on making sure he has plans on sticking around rather than leaving abruptly again. If he doesn't plan on staying for the long haul then we may have to rethink his introduction to Morgan. I refuse to introduce someone to Morgan who is going to be in and out of her life. My baby girl deserves more than that.

I can hear Morgan shuffling around on the bed, most likely searching for me. As soon as she realizes I am not next to her she'll come bouncing out of the room. I'm taking her to the firehouse today because my dad said Sebastian won't be there and he wanted to keep his promise to Morgan on taking her on the fire truck.

My mind drifts back to Sebastian, I wonder where he lives. The house his mom and him lived in is owned by an elderly couple. I often see them sitting on the porch in their rocking chairs when I drive by their neighborhood. My heart cracks every time I see them like that because that's what Sebastain and I always talked about. Growing old together and sitting next to each other while our grandkids played in the yard.

When I moved back home I refused to drive by his neighborhood because seeing it lived in by someone else was like a dagger to the heart.

This morning I woke with a racing heart and sweat clinging to my back. I'm not sure if it was a nightmare that woke me up or the stress I've been feeling since Sebastian's return. Since I've been up I have been baking muffins non stop. I started with blueberry muffins and now have made my way to banana nut muffins. They won't go to waste since I'll take them to the firehouse when I drop Morgan off.

Just as I am placing the last of the muffins in the container, Morgan comes bouncing down the hall. She's wearing her bunny pajamas and her cat slippers. Her chestnut hair is a disheveled mess but when she brushes it off her face I'm hit with a flashback of Sebastian doing the exact same thing. Morgan and Sebastian's resemblance is uncanny. It used to hurt seeing so much of Sebastian in Morgan but my baby girl got the best of both of us and for that I am thankful.

"Morning Mommy." Morgan chirps as she pulls her stool out to stand next to me.

"Morning Angel."

"Are these for Gramps?" She asks, pointing to the muffins in the containers. She was already pulling off the lid to grab one for herself. I huffed a laugh at the sight before me. With her finger to her chin and her tongue peeking out a little Morgan stood there exmaning which muffin looked the biggest. She got that stance from my dad, almost all her mannerisms were from him and Chris. When Morgan found something really funny she would throw her head back and laugh while clutching the left side of her chest, exactly like Chris.

When the time comes for her to spend time with Sebastian I wonder if she'll pick up some of his mannerism. She already scrunches her nose like he does. The first time she did it, I cried for an hour. Already she's his mini me and she hasn't even been around him. I knew deep down Sebastian wouldn't hurt Morgan. I saw it in his eyes last night , just one look at her and he already loves her. But the nasty voice in the back of my head was telling me he was going to leave. That I wasn't enough for him to stay before and we won't be enough for him to stay now.