dear alex

the boy in the library

Alex went on a library streak at the start of the new semester after a two week hiatus from his bookstagram. We had no interactions at all, even when he came back to update his streaks. I started contemplating on whether he had realised how I felt for him and was avoiding me because of it. It was a Friday, and he had updated his streak at about 12pm, right before Jumaah prayers.

A little fact about me is that when I like someone, I try to avoid them as much as I can. So when Jumaah prayers began, it was my turn to go to the library. I headed over with my friend and we stopped by a food fest carried out at one of the faculties before returning. It was about 5pm when I decided to go to the toilet first. It was about 5pm as well when I decided to talk to my friend about Alex.

"My roommate asked me if the guy I liked wore beanies often. I don't know how she knew (soon to find out, she was his classmate for a subject) that but," my voice trailed off as I walked because at the corner of my eye, there he was. The boy with the same gray shirt he wore that morning, the same brown leather shoes and his gray beanie over his head. He was facing away from me, sitting by the window alone with his tablet open and a kdrama called Summer Strike playing.

My body tensed and I shut my mouth, making a sharp corner turn towards the toilet hallway. My friend must have noticed him because she let out the loudest gasp known to mankind and she smacked her hand against her lips, running over to me.

I was squatted down on the toilet floor, contemplating on what to do and wondering if he had heard our conversation.

"Did he look our way?" I asked her.

"Yea, after I smacked my hand on my lips," she replied. "Let's pray that he had airpods on."

We strategised on how to leave the toilet with the most minimal movement and sound and we bolted out the library, took the nearest bus back to our dorm and.. we were in shock.

That night, I wrote my third letter.

___________________________________

Alex,

How dare you make my heart pound today? Did you see me stiffen and walk away? I didn't even know my face could turn that red.

I was not expecting you to be there at all. I went after Jumaah prayers to avoid you. I kept staring at your favourite spot in case you'd show up so I could run. And I did. I ran as soon as I spotted you, trying to keep my cool when I was dying, screaming internally. Did you see me? Were you watching Summer Strike again? Because I did over the semester break... because of you.

Why have you been avoiding any interaction with me? Did I say something wrong? Have you noticed my feelings and wish nothing of me? I can't even face you. For once, can you see me first?

Signed.

P/S: See you on stage next year.