KILLSWITCH

PREFACE

I always loved sitting in the sun, thinking about anything imaginable. I could sit there for hours on end and not get bored. My parents didn't mind, either. They just let me think. Every hour of the day, no matter where I was, I always had some fantasy playing out somewhere in my mind.

That was my childhood. Well, my early childhood at least. People ask me now and then, "Do you miss it?". I simply respond with "Why wouldn't I," then change the subject. It's something I don't touch on in conversations willingly very much.

My childhood is a story too long to tell. Nevertheless, when I get asked how my fate led me to such dark places, I don't deny them. Although I don't enjoy telling the story, I do. It's a lesson to be learned.

I was sitting on my front porch one warm summer evening, full to the brim. My mother had cooked her famous homemade spaghetti bolognese. I hadn't failed to gorge myself. I sat there and thought, my usual after-dinner practices. As any average 11-year-old boy would do (by my logic), I was pondering the world of politics. I had recently watched a documentary on phycology and was already fascinated. For "practice" reasons, at that moment, I was trying to figure out how I might be able to manipulate the children in my class to vote for me for class president.

As I said, the average 11-year-old boy's thoughts.

I had recently memorized every person's name and physical features in my neighborhood. Although it was a rather small community, I was still overly proud of myself. And although it was for no particular reason I did that, I look back on it now, 12 years later, and thank God I did.

As I was sitting there, feet up, sun on my face, birds chirping all around me, I noticed an older lady I didn't recognize walking slowly past. I eyed her suspiciously, she returned the look. She had a limp in her left leg, which she was obviously trying to hide with her long pink flower dress. The lady looked out of her mind.

I shifted uncomfortably as she abruptly stopped. Right in the middle of the road, staring at me.
She's too old to cause any harm, I thought.

Oh, how very wrong I was.

I look back on that memory now, the last of my childhood. I will admit, I did try to manipulate that lady, whoever she was... I still don't know to this day. Not a name, nothing. One thing I do know, however, I wish I wasn't so confident in myself.

My confidence killed.