Redamancy

3

My head throbbing and my dry mouth bring me from my deep sleep. I remove the warm, nearly empty glass bottle that was trapped in my tight embrace. Groggily, I force myself out of bed. It's Saturday so I have no lessons but I need a shower.

A throbbing headache takes over my senses. I shouldn't have drank so much last night. I hunt around in my bedside drawer for paracetamol or something similar. Eventually, I find some and take it hoping it will smooth the pain quickly.

I wonder off to the bathroom at a slow pace, still half asleep. I turn the water up to a scorching heat and peel off the dress that is stuck to my sweaty body. I get in and rid myself of last nights dirt.

I pick a random outfit from my wardrobe and put it on. Low rise flares and a black graphic t-shirt. I put my hair in a loose ponytail after putting my shoes on and head out.

Kicking random pebbles, I wonder down the streets looking down at my feet. Eventually I come across the park I was at last night and sit down.

The bench is worn and splintered, with its red, brown paint chipping off. I rest my elbows in my knees and crane my neck up to gaze at the sky. The crisp, clean air carried the scent of roses as it drifted over me.

I light a cigarette and take a long, slow drag and the tip lights up a fiery red. The smoke curls up into the sky, fading away into the wind.

The cigarette becomes a small stub heating my fingers a dangerous amount. I flick it onto the floor and press it into the ground with my foot.

The sun hangs high in the sky, allowing little shade. Leaves brush against my skin as the gentle breeze blows them off the rough branches.

Staring up at the previously starry sky, I watch the pillowy clouds drift out of sight. Vibrating from my phone shakes the whole bench so I pick it up to see. My mum is calling but I continue to let it ring. It's too early to be dealing with what happened last night. I don't want to think about it.

I put my AirPods in and listen to Around The Fur by Deftones at max volume, not caring if other people can hear, to drown out my loud thoughts.

When even the music can't help me calm down I decide to go to the library. Maybe complete silence will be more effective. I go home to quickly grab my things while avoiding any contact with my parents.

During the short drive to the library I consider marrying him. That would be the responsible thing, wouldn't it? But I don't even know his name. All I know is that he's rich and Greek.

I pull out all my notes from my lectures to organise and revise from. I study for hours on end taking five minute breaks here and there. By the time I'm done for the day I see that the sun is already setting and golden light is pooling into my room.

Without realising it, I drift off into a light sleep. When I open my eyes I can see the stars twinkling light and the moons soft glow streaming in through the windows illuminating my half tidied up desk.

Groggily, I lift my head up from the hand and uncomfortable books it was lying on. I yawn and stretch my aching joints.

A window that is cracked open slightly send the spring nights breeze past me. Goosebumps raise on my arms. I gather my things and slowly make my way out of the library, still half asleep.

Seeing that my phone saying it's three thirty eight I sigh that I've let myself be so careless. I reach the door and push it expecting it to open.

But it doesn't.

Of course it doesn't. The probably locked it up not realising there's still someone here. I'm sure there's a way I can get out.

I remember the slightly opened window that gave me shivers. I check it only to find out it's one of the windows that can't be opened fully.

I pace back and forth wondering what I should do. I need to call someone. I pick up my phone only to realise that it's run out of battery because I never turned off my music.

My parents are probably worried, but there's not much I can do. My calm demeanour slips away and I begin shaking from anxiety. I know I can't just out tomorrow but I'm scared.

I reach into my bag looking form something to calm me down. I feel a spliff and decide to just light one. The smell won't linger till the morning anyway.

Tears from in my eyes as I press it to my lips and try to light it. My hands shake violently which makes my struggle with the lighter causing my tears to fall harder and harder. Blurrier and blurrier my vision becomes until I finally see the orange glow.

A wave of relief passes through me but it doesn't completely remove my stress. I lean down to blow the puff of smoke through the windows that a cracked open slightly.

Leaning my back against the wall, I slide to the floor. You can't even calm down without weed anymore consy accuses me. Shut up I think to myself of course I can, this is just easier.

Soon, my stress has nearly all faded away leaving a blissful moment, free from worry.

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Cold hands shaking my shoulders rouse me from my dream. Squinting, I open my eyes trying to avoid the bright sunlight pouring in.

"We must've not see you here when we locked up" an unfamiliar voice tells me.

"Yeah" I reply getting up and pushing past him.

I know that was rude. I know that, but after all the shit that's been happening, I couldn't care less. I don't care at all. I don't care.

As I walk down the street the cool wind whips against my face and blows my already messy hair into new knots. I try to comb through it with my fingers but it doesn't help.

Eventually, I arrive home to a deserted house, lacking the warmth that would make it a home. I feel faint as I walk up the stairs realising I hadn't eaten all day yesterday.

Despite that, I continue going to my room. Once I get in my room, I put my phone on the charger. The mental exhaustion combined with not having eaten, I collapse onto my bed and don't have enough willpower to get up.

I stare and the angular crystals hanging off the light in the center of the room. Rainbows that are refracted of the glass cover different surfaces of my room in a random arrangement.

My eyelids feel heavy, but the sunlight is too bright for me to sleep.

My phone buzzes occasionally as I continue lying down, staring up at the pretty patterns coving the ceiling. I don't want to move my aching body, but the gradual increase in notifications slowly drives me mad.

Reluctantly, I roll over to reach for my phone to see what it is. My mum. She is still going on about earlier, I just don't get it. Well you can't just ignore her calls forever I tell myself. Tapping the answer button, I mentally prepare myself for what she's going to say.