Healing Your Heart of Thorns

Trial By Combat Of Words

"If I may make a suggestion for your next one Prince Oberyn"  Lysianassa says "by all means go ahead!"  Oberyn replies with a smirk "perhaps you could sneak your Paramore in or bring a few of the prostitutes from the brothel I believe Pycelle would enjoy that as well you may end up disgusted by watching him "play" but at least you won't be bored!"  she says he laughs "that's enough!"  Tywin shouts "I was done for now anyway"  Lysianassa replies with a shrug the people around her chuckle "just one more thing"  she says she looks at Oberyn and says "I've been meaning to thank you from what I understand Myrcella has become quite happy living in Dorne she's even made a few friends she might not have been happy the day she left here but this is the only place she's ever known and she's never been away from her family before I may not have been overly fond of Joffrey but I have come to care for and about Tommen and Myrcella so, thank you"  Oberyn smiles then replies "you're welcome"  Lysianassa looks at Tywin and says "ok now I'm done"  he smiles as the people in attendance chuckle Cersei takes her turn and puts on the water works as she tells her sob story of how evil Lysianassa has been to her and her now dead son "don't forget the part where I threatened to cut off his head when he threatened to have Sandor cut myself and my husband in half during the Battle of the Blackwater before he left it to cower under the covers of his bed"  Lysianassa says Cersei stares at her with open mouth shock "oh, you didn't know about that, my bad! but as I said I do not believe a threat is truly a threat till the actions of said threat are made a reality so once again what you say is irrelevant"  Lysianassa says "did you know your husband has been sleeping with a whore behind your back!?"  Cersei asks "and I've been frolicking naked in the garden with Varys behind his I'm surprised you didn't hear us after all we did it right under your balcony!"  Lysianassa replies the people around them chuckle Tyrion smiles in amusement at his wife's reply Cersei looks at with open mouth shock "pray tell where did you hear such a solacious rumor!? and how deep in detail did whoever told it to you go!? my husband and I are rarely ever not with one another you have seen for yourself how well we lock our Chamber door and I doubt this whore would be capable of climbing our balconies for the stone is very flat and there is nothing for anyone to grip onto to climb up with not even a vine or a tree not to mention our Chamber is one of the many places we're rarely ever alone in as a matter of fact the only time we're not together is when he's in a Small Council meeting and that is not because I don't trust him but because I am a dutiful wife who refused servants so I can take care of his every need myself and to be honest there are very few people I trust in King's Landing mainly because they're either paid by you or working for Littlefinger and I hate that bastard about as much as I do you.... please don't tell me this whore he's been with is Shae! she couldn't even do her job when your father had paid her what in high hell makes you believe she'd succeed when she's NOT being paid!?!"  Lysianassa asks the people in attendance chuckle as she continues "I know my husband better than you do and he's as loyal to me as I am to him after all if he can stay loyal to his own family who mistreats him every chance they get what makes you think he would be disloyal to the one who loves him more than he's ever been loved in his entire life!?! and he would NEVER fuck another bitch while being married to the one he already has he's not as stupid as you are! we have seen Shea three maybe four times since we came to King's Landing I know she followed us from your fathers army's tents when they were at the border of the Riverlands which is where I met your father and he found out his least favorite son had married some sorry little stable hand without his permission.... and yet I'm sure he was grateful I am not a whore, I know she was refused information on where to find us when she finally made it to King's Landing for one of Varys "Little Birds" told me so and I know that it was your fuck buddy cousin who officially hired her as Sansa's Hand Maiden but you took full credit without even knowing who she truly was until I told you who she was when you tried your best to piss me off by having me meet many other whores who all had claim to my husband long before we were married.... shall I tell everyone what those very whores and I were doing when you brought my husband into the room we were in or shall I allow their "wild" imaginations to roam free and create their own version of said meeting!? I'm sure they will be disappointed it never happened like that"  she looks at Jamie and says "Varys found his first who I hear was a gift from you to help him lose something he had already lost"  Jamie nods with a smile his eyes widen then he shakes his head with a chuckle he was somewhat surprised anyone was able to find Tysha for he thought he hid her well but apparently not well enough what surprised him even more was the fact that his brother had hide his loss of virginity from his own family and he started to think back and try to figure out when that had happened "ask.... oh why can't I ever remember his name!?!.... Leoric, I believe that is what my husband said his name was"  she says his eyes widen in surprise for now he remembers how giddy his brother seemed when he had returned from an "adventure" with one of the family servants and the servant wouldn't stop chatting about a beautiful woman Tyrion spent all his time chatting with when they stopped in a little village to stay at a Inn for a week before returning home "three things happened on our last day well four one it was my birthday, two we both took each others virginity, three we came up with the idea to hide that fact for I didn't want to be searched for and since he told me about his family I figured I would be mainly by your father especially if he had heard what we had done that day and four he promised the day we saw each other again he would marry me and that's exactly what he did"  she tells him he smiles "and yes the whoring and the drinking were part of all that as well for I figured one of you would want him to "become a man" someday and gift him with a prize whore so he could do so and he would need a certain type of reputation to hide the fact he already had a wife in mind for himself, the only woman he'd ever fuck when it pleases him to do so.... which is a lot or so I hear perhaps it was all the wine he drank, he must really have a way with words if he got that many whores to play along with our plan I already know how good he is with his fingers"  she adds Jamie laughs Tyrion smiles Lysianassa looks at Tywin and says "please don't tell me your daughter "talked you into" allowing that whore to take the stand at some point!?"  Tywin smiles "well this should be interesting!"  she mutters Tywin chuckles....