Peter Parker Fanfics! 🕸️

5 red digits

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Peters POV
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TW: ED

I woke up at 5:00 am and got out of bed.  I went into the bathroom and rinsed my face.  I looked in the mirror and saw myself staring back.  My curly brown  hair was in my eyes and my cheeks looked red and splotchy.  I frowned and pulled up my shirt.  I watched my stomach rise and fall as I breathed.  "I'm not fat." I reminded myself out loud.  It didn't how many times I said it though. I didn't believe it. 

I was tempted to step in the scale but I decided not too.  I put on a red shirt and slacks with a grey zip up hoodie over it.  I threaded my earbuds through my shirt and put them in.  My thoughts were swallowed by the sounds of Cage the Elephant.  I sighed and went down stairs for my run.  I could run all day. 

I ran for an hour before I decide to head back to the tower. I ran past the bodega on my way back.  I wanted to go in and say hi to Murph and Mr.Delmar, but I hadn't set foot in the shop in a month.  I had been avoiding it.  To be clear I had been avoiding food altogether.  "I'm not hungry" A sentence I used almost everyday now.  At first it was only a few meals each week.  But over time, I found that I was "not hungry" more often than not. 

I slowed down as I started to get closer to the tower.  Thanks to my enhanced senses I could smell that Steve was cooking up some fried eggs and sausage.  It sounded so good.  My mouth watered as I thought about the taste of the salty eggs and sweet sausage in my mouth.  I felt a little guilty thinking about it but I shook the feeling off and sucked in my stomach a little bit more. 

I got to the tower and decided to go to the kitchen.  Everyone was gathered around the table or talking near the kitchen as Steve cooked.  Several heads turned toward me as I entered the room.  "Hey Pete!" Wanda said a smile on her face.  I smiled back "You been on a run?" Mr.Stark said patting me on the shoulder.

I nodded searching for acknowledgment in his eyes.  "You never quit do you kid?"  He said smiling.  I smiled and stood up a little straighter.  "Never sir." I replied.  Tony chuckled and nodded.  "You must be pretty hungry then." He said walking to the kitchen where Steve was serving the food. 

I followed him looking at the perfectly done fried eggs.  Steve had become a pretty good cook. After Sophie had convinced him to take a cooking class, he started making breakfast and lunch for the team.  I grabbed a plate and Steve put two eggs and a sausage on it. 

I thanked him and sat down.  Most of the Avengers were already seated and eating.  I looked at Bucky's plate.  I was piled high with eggs, sausage, and even some various fruits.  I looked at my own plate which looked bare compared to his.  I thought about how nice it must be to eat as much as you want and still have an amazing body like his.

I  took my fork and got a piece of egg.  I was about the take a bite when a feeling of guilt washed over me.  I put the fork down and remembered those horrible red digits on my bathroom scale.  I stared down at my plate.  "You gonna eat kid?" Mr.Stark said smiling at me as he sat down his own plate piled high.

I thought for a moment.  "Actually... I'm really not that hungry."  I said avoiding eye contact with him.  He gave me a look and tilted his head to the side.  "Didn't you say that last night?"  He said.  I shook my head and replied "no I don't think so." I was lying of course but I hoped that I sounded believable.  "Come on kid breakfast is the most important meal of the day." He insisted.  I nodded and took a bite. 

It should've tasted so good, but the guilt made it turn gluey in my mouth.  I took a really long sip of water and looked at my plate again.  I moved the food around my plate a little my right arm resting in front of my stomach.  I took another small bite and then put my fork down. 

The rest of the team continued to eat happily but Steve was looking at me weird.  I looked away avoiding eye contact with him.

After the rest of the team had finished, I volunteered to gather dishes and clean up.  "You didn't eat very much Peter." Steve said helping me clean.  His eyes narrowed and staring at me.  I shrugged and picked up plates.  "I just wasn't very hungry."  I replied.  Steve grunted, he didn't seem convinced.  I just stayed silent and kept cleaning.

"What are you doing after this?" he asked. "I'm going to the gym" I replied. He shot me a look. "You just went on a run." he said.  I nodded slowly, but stayed silent.  "Maybe you should take a break." he said.  I would have protested but it didn't really seem like he was asking.  "Uh.. yeah sure.  I'll go read for a while." I replied cautiously.  He nodded firmly. "I think that's a great idea." 

Don't get me wrong I really like Steve, but he scares me.  Sophie insists he's not very strict but I'm not sure.  I thanked him and headed up to my room.  I sat on my bed and opened my book. 

I felt sick to my stomach for whatever reason.  My head kinda hurt but that was probably because all I'd had to eat in two days was two bites of fried egg and a half bite of sausage. 

I wished  that I could just eat like a normal person and not worry about my weight.  I wished that I could be comfortable in my own skin for once.  I flipped the pages of the book mindlessly.  I wasn't really reading the words I was thinking.  I allowed my thoughts to bounce off the walls of my brain as I felt the sun shine though my window and hit my cheek. 

I glanced at the shiny red guitar in the corner of my room.  I wanted to play, but something was stopping me.  Nothing felt good anymore.  Nothing felt right.  It wasn't until I looked down at the pages of my book that I realized I was crying. Warm, salty tears were dripping off my chin and onto the thin pages of the novel.  I wasn't even sure why I was crying.  The tears just kind of flowed out of me with out my consent.

I wiped my face. I felt pathetic. I put my book down and got up. I walked down to the gym to blow of some steam and to get a good workout in.